If I Could Be
by BlackRainWillFall
Summary: Penelope Gowan moves to Forks, Washington for the sake of her financially troubled father. There, she meets the mysterious Quileute tribe and becomes unavoidably drawn to the pack’s most hostile member. The problem? She isn’t his Imprint. Ignores BD.
1. Prologue

_Prologue_

_XXX_

"What's wrong with you? You on your rag, or what?"

I rolled my eyes at friend's poor choice of assumption. Then again, Ruth didn't give a flying fig if people heard our conversations or not. I shoved my Geometry book into my ugly steel locker, noting that my picture of my little brother was beginning to peel off. I smoothed the tape to make it stick to the inner locker again, only to have it completely come off and clutter miserably to the floor. Ruth chuckled as she picked up the picture and handed it back to me. "Bernard is such a cutie," she commented the photo with an adoring smile.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

"You need to end your dry existence and finally get laid, then?" She interjected, her brows creasing when she noticed my tone.

"No, I don't need anything besides for you to shut up," I said rudely, feeling my cheeks slightly heat up with her latter sentence. But of course, Ruth just waved it off.

"Too bad that's the one thing I can't do. Now seriously, what's eating you?" If it hadn't been for her genuine concern, I might've had the heart to tell her to mind her own business. But I could never keep anything from Ruth before I broke and told her, anyway.

"My great uncle Finn passed away two nights ago," I sighed, closing my locker and shoving the picture of my brother into my folder.

Ruth's frown quickly turned into a look of sympathy. "Oh Nel, I'm so sorry…"

Now it was my turn to frown, and I shook my head. "No, I'm not sad that he passed away. I mean it sucks, but really, the man was a stranger to me. I only saw him twice in my life, both times before I was 11. How can I mourn someone I didn't know?"

Ruth smacked my arm lightly, "'Cause he was still family, Nel. And if you aren't all torn up over his death, why do you look like hell?"

I thought about making up a lie, because really, I didn't like sharing family drama. But again… this was Ruth, and I told her everything. "My dad just entered the war that the rest of my family is waging over his will." My best friend gave me a look that told me this was a kinda lame reason to upset about, but then I added, "I mean, isn't it pathetic that my family members are so focused on my uncle's will, they couldn't even wait until after they held a funeral for Finn? My uncle wasn't a poor guy. He had two estates, including a ranch, a big boat, and other essentials of a wealthy guy. Thing is, he never had any kids. So everything is up for dibbs, since no one has seen the will yet, and they pushed it to be announced. The hearing is today, so my dad has to drive down to San Francisco tonight. It's stupid… he's behind on paying rent, so now he's hoping that my uncle left him something to live off of. Dude," I cut off my story, looking Ruth dead in the eye, "If my mom hadn't drained his earnings and run off, my dad wouldn't be so desperate for money right now."

Now Ruth had no expression at all. Instead, she put her left arm over my shoulders, "Well… guess I'd be pissed too, only I'd be handling it **a lot** worse than cool, collected you right now. How do you do that?" She smiled, and I weakly returned it with my own smile. _If only she knew how wrong she was._

She held me in that half hug until we parted for our classes.

_XXX_

I got home a little past three, knowing my brother was walking home around this same time. His school was only a block away, so I didn't worry over walking him home.

My feet thudded in the surprisingly quiet hallway leading to my apartment. We were on the second floor, where you not only heard what went on downstairs, but also what went on with the noisy college roommates upstairs.

I took out my keys and let myself in. I hadn't bothered to knock on the door, knowing that my dad was already making the 5 hour drive from our home in Long Beach to San Francisco. He had called me earlier, apologizing to me and saying he needed to head straight over there right after work. I could hear the rev of cars on the freeway as he spoke to me. He pleaded for me to get Bernard to bed on time and that he couldn't ask for a better daughter. "And Penelope," he said tiredly before we hung up, "everything's going to be okay." I knew this was more to reassure himself because he was so nerve-racked, but I appreciated the effort anyway. I told him I loved him and hung up.

16 was turning out to be an okay age for me, since 15 was weighed down with unbelievable pressure and the ages before that were just flat out unsteady (that was when my mom was still around). I was used to taking care of my brother on my own; it wasn't my dad's fault that he had to work full time to support us. I offered lots of times to take up a job, but he insisted that he needed me home. I remember that Bernard once stubbornly declared that he would look for a job, so we could all work. As sweet as the gesture was, dad and I doubted that no employer in his right mind would hire an 8 year old boy.

At the thought of my brother, I heard an impatient knock on the door. I smiled, opened the door, and wrapped him in a hug. He wriggled against me, whining, "It's too hot to be hugging! And you're wearing a long sleeve, are you nuts!?"

"Someone's cranky," I said lightly. His freckled face was flushed red, thanks to our Irish blood intolerance of the heat. Had we been born at the same time, we might have been twins; we both had light brown hair, wide hazel-brown eyes, and medium-toned skin covered in freckles. Even though I thought I looked awkward with embarrassingly wide hips and with some meat on me, including unflattering lips that looked like I was always ready to kiss something and had a 5'4 stature, it was clear that Bernard was going to be the most ridiculously handsome dude ever. Whereas my hair was lifeless and cut to the length of my ears, my brother's hair curled like a halo over his oval face, which a strong jaw was already defined. Short lashes framed his eyes, but somehow made their color stand out more. He had the beginnings of a lanky and tall build, already reaching up a little past my elbows. Our hereditary genes pretty much laughed in my face and lavished my brother.

Never mind. He was too good to have been my twin.

What followed for the rest of the day was briefly explaining to him why dad wouldn't be home tonight, me nagging him to do his homework, and him nagging me about what was for dinner. Once his homework was finished and our left over take-out pizza was consumed, we slipped into our pajamas and piled onto the couch. We had one T.V. in the living room with no cable, but at least we had a DVD player. We settled on "The Fox and the Hound", a personal favorite of his, but God knows why since it's such a depressing kid's film.

It wasn't even half way through before Bernard fell asleep on the opposite side of the couch. I looked at the clock; 10:13 p.m. I shrugged my shoulders, deciding to watch the rest of the movie. I don't remember when my eyes gave up and I fell asleep, too.

_XXX_

The phone must have been on its' fourth ring before I sighed angrily, roused enough from my sleep to stand up. I looked over the couch, relieved that the ringing hadn't awoken Bernard. Then again, the kid could sleep through an earthquake… I looked at the clock, which was dimly lit be the city lights filtering through our window; 4: 56 a.m. I hoped the person calling was my dad, because if it was anyone else, they were about to get an earful of profanities.

I trudged over to the kitchen counter and picked up the phone, which had continued into its' ninth ring, "Hello?" I snapped.

"Penelope?" Came dad's startled voice.

"Who else would it be, dad?" I grumbled.

And then my dad laughed, and I mean a real laugh, a sound I hadn't heard in a long time. I perked up immediately, and I couldn't hold back the smile on my face. This could only mean one thing. "Uncle Finn came through for you!?" I whispered excitedly.

"Yes he did, Nel. He **really** came through for us," I knew he was overtly happy, but I heard a slight hesitance in his voice. I wonder how much Finn had left for my dad?

"Can I ask… how he 'really' came through?" It must've been a lot of money. Maybe that's why dad sounded a little uncomfortable. I heard someone talking to him in the background, and my dad made a quick reply that was inaudible to me. "Dad?" I pressed.

"A house, Nel. Finn left us a house!" My dad said in a rush, like if he didn't say it now, he'd never tell me. That hesitance still lined his voice.

"You mean one of his estates?" That wouldn't be good. Finn had his main home in San Francisco, one in Puerto Rico, and his ranch in El Paso, Texas. Any which way I looked at it, it would be far away from Long Beach, California. I **loved** it here and so did Bernard. As far as I knew, my dad liked it here too, and his work was here. **Everything **was here for us. I was thinking of my next choice of words to put up an argument, but I wanted his reply first.

"No, not one of the estates… well, not exactly," he trailed off. Definitely not good. "You see Penelope, I guess Finn didn't tell the family everything. He still had a place back in my hometown Forks, Washington."

Oh, _hell_ no.

"Washington?" I repeated. "Finn had a home in Washington?"

"Yes," dad said calmly. I think he could sense my protests were coming, but I didn't know what emotion my voice was exuding. "Penelope. You know this is a good thing, right? I know it'll be hard for you and Bernie at first, but… Forks grows on you. Really, it does." When I didn't say anything, he pleaded, "We don't have a choice, Nel. Not only will we not have to struggle to pay for that little apartment anymore, Finn said he left it specifically for us. He had a soft spot for us ever since he learned Marianna and I split." He was referring to my mom. And they didn't 'split' as he so nicely put it; she left him.

I wanted to hang up on him. I wanted to argue. I wanted to tell him that I am the girl who cannot be moved. I wanted to tell him that I'd get a job, that we could get someone else to take care of Bernard. I wanted to tell him that if he took me away from Long Beach, I would never speak to him again, that it wouldn't matter if we were living under the same roof. But my selfish resolve weakened when the sound of the sadness in my father's voice echoed in my head. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I steadied myself on the kitchen counter, still unsure of what I wanted to say.

"We'll have to move," I mumbled. It wasn't a question, because I already knew the answer. But I didn't have the heart to say a snide remark to him.

The tension did not cease, but my father's voice wasn't as strained as before when he spoke, "We'll talk more when I get home, alright? Don't tell Bernie yet; I want to tell him." It bothered me that dad told **me** this over the phone; but when I thought about it, I was less likely to blow up… unlike my brother who was frightening when someone snatched a crayon from him. My dad wanted to deal with him in person; but he needed to know I was okay first. I wasn't, but I was handling it better than Bernard would.

"See you," was all I said.

"Love you, Nel."

I hung up. I stood there at the counter for a minute, trying to absorb everything that was just said. I glanced at the clock (an established habit of mine); 5:17 a.m. That conversation seemed way longer than it actually was. I walked over to the still-sleeping Bernard, fixing his tangled blanket. Then I lowered myself into the opposite of the couch, even though I was wide awake now.

Forks, Washington.

Desmond Gowan, my father, had told me a year's worth of how small-town Forks hadn't been enough for him. It was always raining, there was hardly anything for a teen to do, and whoever decided to spend the rest of their life there was asking for a meaningless existence. He and his two older brothers were raised there (my uncle Bernard and uncle Connell, both of whom had passed away), but my grandmother Meredith was still living in Forks. Despite her protests, my dad would always help pay for her plane ticket to bring her to California. He never wanted us to go over there, and I had no idea why. Me and Bernard hadn't seen grandma in almost two years… my dad broke contact with her when mom left him. I figured it was out of shame, since my grandmother was supposedly big on love and marriage. It would be great seeing her again, but now all of a sudden for dad to tell me, "Forks grows on you"? That was a straight up lie. He was just trying to make a bad situation forgivable.

I covered my face with my hands, attempting to cease the tears. What was I going to tell Ruth? What would happen to the dreams I still had for my life in Long Beach? Of all times to 'start over', my dad wanted to do it now, when I already was mapping out my life. I loved this little apartment. I didn't care that we didn't have much; I just didn't want things to **change**.

_XXX_

I probably looked worse today than I had yesterday.

When I met Ruth at our usual table during lunch, she raised an eyebrow. We didn't hang out with prominent people; there was Elizabeth, a girl who dyed her hair every other week; Braeden, who had hinted more than once that he was interested in Ruth, but she simply didn't see anything attractive about him; Big Rig, whose real name was Gary, but since he was on the heavy side and drove a truck, people preferred his nickname; and the siblings Manny and Jamie.

It took me a minute to realize that none of these people were as important to me than Ruth was. They were just… hang out people.

I sat down next to her, and as I looked into her honest face, I realized it was unfair of me to short circuit things. I had avoided her all morning, trying to think of something to say. It was hard, because we had said more than once that we told **everything** only to each other. Sure the others were great, but in the end, Ruth and I were the best friends.

"I'm moving away," I whispered so only she could hear.

She made no expression at first, but then a genuine smile broke onto her mouth, "Funny, dude."

I was surprised with her response, but then again, Ruth and I usually played stupid jokes like this. "I'm serious," I tried.

"Sure," she giggled.

"Ruth fucking Dwyre, I'm moving to Forks, Washington." I hadn't meant to sound so blunt; but her crumpled expression told me that she knew I was serious now.

What ensued was Ruth dragging me to the bathroom at the far end of the campus, and her losing it. She yelled at me, asking over and over, "Are you serious!? Are you **serious**!?" I wanted to tell her she was over reacting. But what good would that do? So I did the only other thing I could think of: I hugged her. "You're my best friend, Nel. I don't have anyone else to talk to," she mumbled, and I was thankful her high voice had ceased.

"I don't either," I said truthfully. "But… you know my dad's been having trouble with money. This is a good change for him… I'm just happy he's happy."

Ruth pulled herself away from our embrace, but didn't let go of my arms. Her hair had become mussed, misery glinting in her eyes as she said, "Is it a good change for you?"

No, it wasn't. But I didn't want to prove her right; I didn't want her to find reason to argue against something that was already set in stone. I hugged her again, "Nothing will change except for the distance between our houses."

_XXX_

I came home later than usual, knowing my dad was home probably napping to rest up for work tonight. Bernard had his own key just in case dad didn't wake up to open the door. I also didn't want to be there when he talked to Bernard about our new home. I hung around Ruth's house for a while, relishing in our time together. I didn't know when we were moving, but today was Wednesday and I wanted to ask my dad if Ruth could stay over night in our apartment one last time.

I came home to find my apartment door swung open, my dad sitting in a sea of his clothes on the living room floor. I looked around to see lots of boxes, and our lamps, kitchen ware, and a few other objects were covered in bubble wrap or newspaper. Had he been doing this all day?

"What happened to work?" I asked.

"Quit this morning," he said with a genuine smile. The purple circles under his eyes contradicted his positive expression.

This stunned me; I stared at him in disbelief. "Already?" I squeaked, "And what about Bernard?"

"He knows. He's in his room packing right now."

"P-packing?" I stuttered, "Wait, I-?"

"We're leaving in four days," dad said, not looking me in the eyes.

"But… but what about… what!?" I was at a loss for words.

"I'm taking out a lot of my savings to pay off what I owe to this apartment rent, so it won't be a burden when we leave. I can earn back what I lost when I find a job in Forks. But it's better to leave as soon as possible… so you'd better start packing," I was about to open my mouth to scream at him, but again I was choked up by the look in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Nel. Really, I am. If things could be easier…"

I didn't let him finish. I stomped into my shared room with my brother, finding him shoving some of his clothes into a plastic bag. He looked up at me, and scratched the back of his head uncomfortably. I sat at the edge of his bed, turning away from him. I was wrong-- **I **was taking this harder than him. I felt him sit behind me and he began to pat my back. "S'okay, Nel. I think no one really likes change, but it still happens."

Sometimes I had my doubts that Bernard was an 8 year old boy, and was really some wise old man in disguise.

_XXX_

Boring chapter I know, but it had to be done. The real story picks up next time, yay. Just as a quick bit of info: when thinking of Paul, I have his portrayer Alex Meraz in mind... same goes for the rest of the pack. Review, please!


	2. Oh, Those Quileute Boys

_Chapter 1: Oh, Those Quileute Boys_

_XXX_

"You lose again," Bernard grinned up at me. I wanted to smack that smug little expression right off his face, but settled for a glare. He just pulled his nose back to emphasize the inside of his nostrils. Some threat I was… "Another round!"

"No. I'm not playing rock-paper-scissors with you ever again-- you cheat."

"But I'm bored! And I **don't** cheat, you just suck at any game you play!"

Ouch, he had me there. I rolled my eyes and handed him the Nintendo DS I had snagged from him earlier because dad thought he had been playing with it for too long. Now I just wanted him to stop hassling me. He wasted no time in taking the console from me and resuming his game. I turned my face away from Bernard to stare out the window, pressing my forehead against the cool glass, leaving me to think.

My parting with Ruth was every bit as painful as I had dreaded it would be. Not much was said; we just hugged for what seemed like forever. "Not all good things last, I guess?" She whispered to me before she released me. I promised her that I'd call her the moment we had our phone system set up. My thoughts were cut short when my dad said, "Almost there. Just a few more miles!"

Dad. Where do I begin? Things were looking brighter for us, but I knew he was still a mess of a person. He didn't seem at all upset about the move; he looked more nervous. Maybe it was because of grandma? She had to know we were coming. But having not seen her for such a long time because of dad's coping issues, it would be a wonder if grandma Meredith would accept us so easily back into her life.

I caught my dad looking at me through his rear view mirror a few times, no doubt trying to read my expression. I was still kinda pissy with him, so I had sat in the back seat with Bernard instead of having to tolerate my dad's side glances had I sat up front. We had been on the road for endless hours, but it seemed even in the back seat I couldn't escape his worrying…

"Look Nel, look!" My brother shrieked. I hadn't noticed that the car was slowing down, and the single moving truck we had was now right on our tail. We seemed to be going up a slight hill with overgrown trees lining the sides, and reached a two-story house at the end of the driven path. Outside on the wide walkway leading to the front door, standing in the drizzling weather, was a handful of people. I shot my dad an accusing glare, but he looked just as confused as I was. Oh good Lord, there was even a man in a wheel chair. Why hadn't anyone let them inside?

"Dad…" I said unsurely.

"It's alright, Nel," my dad said lightly, "I know them… well, most of them." For the life of me, I didn't want to get out of the car. If there was one thing I was freaked out by more than spiders, it was meeting new people. "C'mon, kids," dad urged as he got out of the car.

"Move, will ya?" Bernard pushed against my hip. To his right was a pile if our luggage, so his only means of getting out was through my door. Too bad I wasn't going to budge. "You're such a chicken, Nel. They're people! What're they gonna do, throw knives? But I wouldn't blame them if they threw 'em at **you**." He reached over me and shoved open the door. I protested, but he climbed over me and hopped out. "There, now you'll just look like an idiot in a car," he remarked as he made his way over to the little group. I would get him for that comment later. But I realized that meeting the people of this small town was unavoidable, so I pried myself from the car and shut the door behind me. I inhaled, then awkwardly made my way over to them. _Hi, I'm Penelope. I don't even know you, but I already hate it here._ Yeah, that's what I should say.

I reached the little circle, and my dad's right arm went around my shoulders, his left hand on my brother's head. "Everyone," he beamed with genuine happiness, "this is my son, Bernard Liam Gowan III," he tussled my brother's hair, "and my daughter, Penelope Norma Jean Gowan," he squeezed my shoulders. I wanted to die of embarrassment as soon as he said my middle name. Leave it to dad to buckle under pressure and let my mom talk him into middle-naming me after Marilyn Monroe.

I forced a smile and finally took a good look at the people who stood in front of me. "Hello Penelope and Bernard. I'm Sue Clearwater," a plump middle-aged woman said first, holding out her hand. When I took it, I felt the calluses of hard work to be evident on her hand. "I used to baby-sit your dad and your uncles, that I did," she said with a warm smile.

I turned to the next people, and was taken aback. First, there was the fierce-looking girl who seemed ready to annihilate someone. She looked around my age, and she might've been pretty if she wasn't glaring me into the ground. "Leah Clearwater," she said quickly. She turned her fierce gaze from me, then to my brother, who had been standing behind me. He looked up at her, and suddenly…

The girl Leah's scowl was gone as if it had never been there. Her lips parted slightly, and an unidentifiable look glimmered in her dark eyes. She was staring at my brother so intently, it made me uncomfortable. There was this… tension? I didn't know, but Bernard hadn't broken her gaze either. I tugged a lock of his hair, breaking his reverie. "What?" He snapped at me.

"Sorry, my sister tends to space out sometimes," a voice rumbled. I turned back to stare at who I thought was quite possibly the tallest human being _ever_. "I'm Seth Clearwater," he said with a broad smile. Unlike his sister, he held out his hand. I was so impressed by his height, it took me a while to take notice of his hand. When I reached to shake it, my hand was overtly warmer compared to the rest of my body. This guy was burning up like a damn electric blanket. "… you're still holding my hand," he chuckled. His thumb was rubbing small circles over the back of my hand.

"Oh!" I squeaked, quickly withdrawing my hand.

"It's okay… I didn't mind." I'm pretty sure it was just my 'you wish' imagination, but did I actually hear suggestiveness in his voice? I felt a small blush rise in my cheeks. This guy Seth was unimaginably handsome; dark skin, black hair cut short, and from what I could see from his thin grey shirt (what the hell, it was freezing!) he had a body to boot. I bet he had a stack of girlfriends around here.

Then another deep voice interjected, "Easy, Seth. She hasn't been here for 20 minutes and you already bust a few moves?" Impossibly, Seth was bested; the heart breaker who stood before me was even taller than him, at a staggering height of maybe 6'5 or so. He had long black hair that flowed past his shoulders, smooth russet skin, and a dazzling smile. He too, wore a measly tee shirt that had me at the mercy of his well-defined chest. Did they just get used to the cold weather? Did they want to kill me on my first day in Forks? My poor heart couldn't handle their trashy-romance-novel-cover good looks. I was never a girl who was a sucker for muscles; that was all Ruth. But these guys just spun my world on my view of males, shaming all others of the gender. "I'm Jacob Black," the demi-God introduced himself, smiling down to me. I shook his large hand too, which was every bit as unnaturally warm as Seth's grip. "This is my dad, Billy Black," he motioned to the man in the wheelchair, and I immediately smiled without force. I liked the amused look in the man's eyes.

"Nice to meet you, Penelope," he said as we shook hands. He turned back to Jacob, "The available boys are gonna be tailing her like animals," he chuckled.

I tried to ignore his previous comment, but couldn't help but feeling a small boost of confidence. Seth and Jacob were _way_ out of my league, but it was nice of Billy to say that. "Oh, and… you guys can call me Nel. Penelope is a bit of a hassle to say each time…" I said uncertainly. Seth smiled, sending butterflies into my stomach. "Y-yeah… and, if you don't mind me asking, how do you know my dad?"

Realizing that I was directing the question to him, Billy smiled, "The Gowan boys and  
I were good friends back in our hey-day. I've also kept close knit to Meredith; she's like family to me."

I had more questions, but was cut off. "Penelope," a familiar accent cooed. I turned once more, this time locking gazes with a pair of hazel eyes that reflected my own.

I recognized her immediately, thankful that the image I had of her for the past two years hadn't been altered. Aside from the eyes, she shared the medium-toned skin and freckles with Bernard and myself, her withered face still filled with the sparks of some kind of youth. "Grandma Meredith?"

Was she mad? She didn't look like it. What was she thinking as she stared at me? "Oh, lass… come here," I shuffled a little closer, but her short frame wrapped me into a tight hug. "You look just like me when I was your age," she said, and I took note of the threat of tears lining her voice. I wasn't a sucker for ripped abs, but I went to pieces for senior citizens? Now that couldn't be right. But I embraced her back, unsure of what to say. Suddenly she pulled away, her wrinkled hand reaching up to stroke my hair, then gave my cheek a playful pinch. "We'll make up our lost time together, you, Bernie, and I." She did not include my dad. My brother approached her and she swept him up in her embrace as well, kissing his cheek. I didn't miss my brother's hilarious expression.

"The rain's coming down harder," Sue chirped, her eyes falling on me again, "I know we're used to it, but I'm sure you kids aren't used to this climate. Dad broke away from his conversation with Billy Black, heading to the front door and unlocking it with the key, which had probably been given to him at the hearing of uncle Finn's will. Everyone slowly made their way into the house, and somehow I had ended up at the end of the line with Seth.

"So," he beamed, "no one mentioned to me where you're from."

"Long Beach, California," I said quietly. I couldn't look at him, fearing that he might see the color tinting my cheeks.

"Sounds sunny," he continued. "Forks may look all doom and gloom now, but you can always visit La Push if you like. Well… the weather isn't any better over there," he laughed at the end of his sentence, "but at least you'll have good company." His arm brushed against my shoulder, and I felt my face redden to a darker shade.

_He's not flirting with me. I only wish he was. He's just being nice. _

"La Push?" I echoed as we walked through the door. I'd look around later… Seth was a terrible distraction.

"Yeah. La Push is the Quileute reservation, me 'n Jake and others of our tribe live there. We're right next door to Forks."

_Which I'll be visiting quite often if La Push is crawling with guys who look like you._

He changed the subject by asking, "What grade are you going into?"

"Eleventh," I replied, the returning the question, "Do you go to the high school in Forks? What grade are you in?"

"Nah, I go to the tribal school in La Push. And I'm in ninth grade."

That stopped me in my tracks like a slap in the face. "U-uh," I stammered, "_you _are only 14?"

He frowned at this, "Yeah, but I'm going to be 15 in a few months. It's no big deal."

I didn't say anything at first, and he looked offended. I back pedaled, stammering, "I-I'm sorry. It's just… well… you don't look like you're 14," which was the truth, "and if you hadn't told me, I would've gone on thinking that you were older than me. Ha…" I felt stupid, but Seth's broad smile let me know that I had said what he wanted to hear.

We wandered into a barren room which I figured to be the living room; the voices of the others were heard from further back into the house. Maybe they were in the kitchen?

Then Seth said a bit intently, "How is it that I don't look 14?"

"Ah, I…" Oh Jesus, he cornered me. "Well, you're really tall!" Of course I pointed out the obvious, since I didn't have to gall to compliment his body.

"And…?" There was a flash of mischief in his eyes. He wanted me to compliment his body. At least, I think he did. Or maybe he didn't and he was just waiting for me to make an ass out of myself. Or maybe he likes 'em a bit older—_no, don't __**even **__go there._

"Hey, are you doing anything tonight?" Seth and I turned our attention to Jacob, who had broken away from the others. Truthfully, I was happy that he had interrupted… I didn't want to be caught hitting on a 14 year old boy. "Seth 'n I are going to a bonfire. You can come, if you'd like."

I could feel my eyes widen. "Really?" I could hear a girlish giggle to my tone, and I wanted to slap myself. I cleared my throat, then, "Well, I just got here… and it's raining, so wouldn't that put out the fire?" It was around 5:30 p.m., but even in the morning, I hadn't seen much sunshine since we passed up Vancouver on our way here. Maybe tomorrow the weather wouldn't look so depressing.

Then Seth laughed a bit, putting his hand briefly on my shoulder, "It's always raining out here. There's hardly any sunny days."

"So it won't make much of a difference if you see La Push and Forks during the night or daytime," Jacob finished. "We'll give you a taste of La Push tonight, then you can see Forks and Port Angeles tomorrow. Yeah?"

I scratched the back of my wrist, my shyness getting the better of me, "You guys are being awfully nice…" I mumbled.

"Well, I figure it's gotta be rough when you're put in a new environment. I've never had to move, but… I'm just guessing, hah. You seem kinda freaked out," Jacob smiled so sincerely, I wouldn't have been surprised if I decided that I was in love with him by tomorrow morning.

_Oh… remember, they're just being nice._

"Okay," I buckled, not really knowing how to say no. Even if I had known these boys for a millisecond, they seemed cool. And with my poor social skills, it was best to make friends right now while I had the chance. "Lemme ask my dad."

_XXX_

Was being crammed into an old Volkswagen really worth having an argument with my dad about my social rights? Really? It didn't seem like it right now.

Jacob was driving, while I was in the passenger seat. Seth and another boy they introduced me to, the mega-beefy Quil, were squished into the back seat (how they managed to get in here without tearing the car in half was beyond me). Quil wasn't as tall as Jacob, but reached a little above Seth in height. He had lighter-colored eyes compared to Seth and Jacob, but his friendliness was no less genuine than theirs, and he didn't shake my hand; he gave me a spine-snapping embrace. He said we'd be great friends, and I liked to believe him.

The enormity of these boys continued to startle me; were all the boys of the Quileute tribe this… ridiculously huge? And good Lord, it was like an _oven_ in this little car, which wouldn't have seemed so small to me like it did now if it weren't for the heat emanating off all three of them in such an enclosed space. I rolled down my window, slightly sticking my head out and letting the drizzle hit my face. Jacob laughed, "Too hot?"

"Maybe," I croaked. The car suddenly came to a stop, and it didn't seem like we were at a bonfire. It was just an open space surrounded by forestry. I frowned as Jacob climbed out, with Seth and Quil following suit. "Um," I began.

Jacob could already hear the confusion in my voice and he smiled reassuringly. "We have to walk a bit from here. Our spot on First Beach where we usually have our bonfires doesn't have parking space."

"Oh," was all I said. When I looked around, though, there were only two other cars parked in the same space. Must be a small group then, which was a highlight for me.

The walk through the stretch of brush took longer than the short distance that Jacob claimed it to be. Then again, it must've been a short walk for _their_ freaking sasquatch strides, in comparison to my baby steps and stumbles over roots sticking out of the ground. As nice as it was of Seth and Jacob to try and get me cozy up to my new homeland, I was beginning to regret coming. I had the sinking feeling I would say something stupid before the night was over. Then again, I'm naturally paranoid like that…

I was still lost in thought when we finally reached a sandy clearing, and about another yard ahead was a bright fire, somehow unphased by the drizzling weather. I could feel my eyes bug out of my head. There had only been two her cars back in the parking space, but there were over fifteen people? I guess people preferred walking around here… I could feel my self-conscious trait expanding, and suddenly I wanted to leave. But I didn't have the balls to tell Jacob and Seth that I had lost my nerve; I was afraid I might offend them. We continued onward, my heart rate increasing so dramatically you would think I might be about to perform on stage or something. When we reached the clamor of people, most of them tall, built, and russet-skinned, I felt my knees shaking. Yeah… I am _that _bad with meeting new people. All eyes were on Jacob, Seth, and I, but my escorts just beamed and greeted everyone happily. I stood by myself for a minute, and I took a quick survey of the area. It was a beach, alright; but it looked like a poor man's Venice Beach. No, not even that. Black, jagged cliffs stood grandly in another short distance down the shoreline. The waves of the gray water swirled and crashed into each other. It might've looked like an actual beach if not for the depressing coloring.

"Hey, you're the new girl, right?" I snapped out of my observations and turned my attention to another impeccably tall boy. Tendrils of his medium-length dark brown hair stuck to the sides of his face, and he had a slight cleft in his chin. He had an adorable crooked smile and a thoughtful look in his eyes. Jeez… I was never going to get a boyfriend at this point if I couldn't find a guy that wasn't too good for me. No such luck so far.

"Yeah, that's me, hah."

"Cool. I'm Embry Call; I hang out with those losers Seth, Quil, and Jacob."

I smiled, "I'm Penelope. And if you hang out with them, wouldn't that make you a loser too?"

"Not at all. Hanging out with me puts them in a less pathetic class of losers."

"That's harsh, Embry," Seth had walked over, scoffing Embry's previous comment. He turned to me, "C'mon Nel, there are better people to meet than wasting time with Embry!" The boy Embry's expression of annoyance drew a chuckle from me, and I shook his hand before Seth led me into the crowd. And okay, I'm not pale, but I still stuck out like a sore thumb.

Seth introduced me to a number of people, all of whom seemed oddly welcoming. I was surprised to also see Leah here (how'd she get here before us?). She was sitting on a log, staring into the fire as though it were more interesting than the guy sitting next to her, who was clearly trying to have a conversation with her. She didn't even bother to fake like she was paying attention to him.

"Getting a crush on Collin?" Seth's breath stirred the top of my short hair.

I looked up at him. "Collin?"

"The guy talking to my sister."

"Oh, uh… no, I was just wondering if there's a bathroom close by."

Seth raised a brow, "Well, Sam and Emily live right up the pathway that connects the shore to the woods. They wouldn't mind."

"Uh…" Peeing in a strangers' house wasn't what I had in mind. I was hoping he would say something more along the lines of, 'Well, I'll take you home then.' I began to feel the stifling gaze of a few people, but why it felt like they were watching me was a mystery. Maybe it was all in my head. "Who?"

"Sam and Emily. You haven't met them yet 'cause Emily's probably getting the food ready for us all when we head over to their house." I unwillingly followed Seth into the wooded path, and from the obnoxious snickering, I could tell the bonfire group had gotten the wrong idea. I felt my cheeks heat up. We walked in silence, but from the look on Seth's face, he was probably thinking of something to talk about. I actually was comfortable with silence, depending on the person; I guess Seth wasn't. When we reached the house, he grinned and held the front door open for me, "Ladies first," we stepped into a small and simply decorated living room, yet it had an air to it that was warm and overwhelming. "Guess they're not here either," Seth remarked.

I scratched the back of my neck, "Um, are you sure the people who live here won't mind?"

"Do you wanna steal something?"

My face went blank, then I sputtered, "Oh, n-not at all!"

"Then everything's cool." I put my hand over my eyes, making my embarrassment known. Seth laughed, "You gotta relax, Nel. It's nice that you're a decent person, but if anything, I think people will get more thrown off by your good manners than they would if you just didn't care like everyone else does."

I shrugged, "Yeah, uh… so where's the bathroom?"

"Down the hall. It's not a big house, you'll find it."

"Thanks again," I hurried past Seth. I heard him slump into the couch, followed by his sigh.

Okay, I must be really, really un-bright, because there were 4 doors in the hallway, and none of them looked like an obvious bathroom. There was only one door to my right that was slightly open, and I could see pale blue light filtering through the crack. Bathroom? Honestly, I didn't really have to go; I just wanted to get away from the crowd for a moment. Maybe even fix myself up, because I felt haggard compared to the people at the bonfire. I opened the door—

And froze.

This room wasn't a bathroom at all; it was a small bedroom. Whom it belonged to, I did not care at the moment. I didn't care that I was in a strangers home, or that Seth was still waiting for me in the living room, or that I had been forced to move away from Long Beach. I didn't care, which sounds silly, but all those thoughts were banished when before my eyes was something that had instantly meant something to me.

There was a sleeping boy stretched out on a twin-size bed, which seemed feeble under his towering frame. He had russet skin and dark hair like the others, only he was different in such a significant way that I could have picked him out among a sea of boys from his tribe. His hair was cropped short, but was already to beginning to grow out of its cut. He wore only a pair of unzipped, faded jeans. His build was breathtaking, every muscle from the sinewy pulls of his arms to the sculpts of his abdomen an expanse of dream-like proportions. He must have just came into the house not a moment before Seth and I, because rain slicked his chest, which rose and fell with every even breath he took. The dim light that emitted through the open window from the lamps outside gave him the illusion of a halo. I didn't feel my feet, but they were moving closer, closer to him. I could go on and on about his face: the high cheekbones, the parted lips, the slight frown of his expression that brought his features to life even in his sleep.

For a minute, I thought he wasn't real. It was a crime against humanity to look the way he did, because I had never seen anything so beautiful in my life. But then I tripped over a smile pile of clothes as I moved forward, and was brought back down to reality. I identified the pile as a shirt, sweater, and shoes, no doubt belonging to him…

Wait a minute. Seth. Bathroom. Strangers house. I didn't want to leave, but I _needed_ to. I started to back up, but I didn't take my eyes off of him. For all I know, I wouldn't see him again. Sure, he was obviously a Quileute, but that didn't guarantee anything. I hoped I would see him, though. I wouldn't talk to him, because he had worthier girls to associate with, but that was okay. If I could watch him from a distance (wow, that sounded creepy), then I didn't even have to know his name.

And I just ran into the dresser.

I silently cursed myself, squeezing my eyes shut so I wouldn't have to explain myself to him when he woke up. But I opened my eyes again, and he was still asleep. Sweet Jesus, that was a close call. What **would**I have told him if he woken up? _"Sorry, I was looking for the bathroom. Now could you go back to sleep so I can take advantage of you?" _No, that wouldn't work out well.

"You must be Penelope," A feminine voice whispered near my ear. I nearly jumped out of my skin and was about to cry out, but a hand went over my mouth. She turned my face to look her in the eyes, and I saw her smile. My eyes widened in shock, but I taught myself to be more polite than that; I looked away from her face to regain my composure, and she released her hold over my mouth. I returned my eyes to her eyes, noting that despite half of her face being ruined by scars, she was very pretty. She pulled me out of the room, away from him, and there was a hint of laughter in her voice as she informed me, "I'm Emily. And I should warn you that Paul wouldn't exactly take kindly to someone admiring him in his sleep."

_XXX_

A/N: Okay, this was a hard chapter to write, because I couldn't decide on how to introduce Paul. And, well… there you go. =]

Review, please.


	3. What Blooms

_Chapter 2 : What Blooms_

_XXX_

It's just my luck, y'know. When I attempt to come off as a decent person, and I make a complete ass out of myself instead… it's an awful thing, my luck. Or maybe it has nothing to do with luck; maybe other unknowing girls such as myself made fools of themselves in front of these ridiculously kind and attractive people. That thought made me feel slightly better about having been caught in my current predicament. But even so, this woman Emily smiled warmly as she held my hand and led me away from the room, closing the door behind her. Before we reached the living room, she stopped and turned to face me, "Relax," she whispered for some reason. I was thoroughly confused, but then realized that my inner-horror must have been evident though my expression. "There's no need to worry, I won't say anything. You're not the first poor girl to be awe-struck by our tribe boys," she chuckled towards the end of her sentence.

My face must've turned bright crimson, because her chuckle evolved into playful laughter. "I'm sorry," was all I could think of to say. "And… thank you."

"You came with Seth," It wasn't a question, more like confirmation. I was happy that she changed the subject, so I nodded. "It's good that you made a friend so quickly. But then again, Seth is the type guy that people just love to be around," she said with genuine endearment. Was she trying to slightly better my view of him? … Naw, unlikely. That just sounded conceited of me… I already knew Seth was just downright awesome, anyway.

Someone cleared their throat, and suddenly, the already small hallway seemed impossibly narrower with the towering figure that stood between at the entranceway of the living room. Quite frankly, I was beginning to worry about all the tall dudes walking around: I was bound to get stepped on. This man was, at estimate, at least 6'6, with a broad, handsome but hard-lined face that effectively scared the bejeesus out of me. His lips set in an expressionless line, and he looked at Emily expectantly. She smiled fearlessly, and put her arm around my shoulders, which did little to comfort me the presence of this Goliath, "Sam," his name, I supposed, "this is Penelope. Billy mentioned that her family was moving here, remember? He used to be good friends with her father. She's already made a companion out of Seth!" Well, I wouldn't exactly say _companion_. I'd known the guy for less than a few hours, yet this didn't seem to occur to Emily. If it did, I guess she didn't judge people's friendship based on the time they've known each other. That didn't bother me in the least, though; I was already set on keeping ties with both Seth and Jacob.

A random memory occurred to me then, one where I remembered my mother telling me that the reason why I had trouble making friends was that once I decided that I liked someone enough to want to have them around, I scared them away with what I saw as my immediate connection to that person. Looking back, maybe that's why I was worried about getting close to anyone outside of Ruth.

"The new girl," Sam said gruffly, tearing me from my quick reminisce. I waited for him to say more, but he just stared past me and so intimately at Emily, I began to feel like he really didn't care that I was there. Not that I blamed him, ha. She returned his stare with her neutral eyes, and I felt my cheeks color once more.

"Well, um… thank you again, Miss…?" I had to interrupt. There was no doubt in my mind that these two were involved, and I had the notion that they might start to make out in the hallway regardless if I was there or not. I preferred it if I was not there.

"Please, just call me Emily. Any friend of my friends is, in turn, my friend as well." I smiled one last time and ducked under Sam's arm, and he turned to watch my brief exit. I knew my face still blaringly red.

"For a minute, I thought I scared you off and had thrown yourself out the bathroom window!" I was met with Seth's laughter, and I gave a small laugh of my own. He was talking to Embry, who grinned. He must've noticed my stupid blush.

"I tried to, but Emily caught me and pulled me back in," I chided.

"If I scare you all that much…" now his brows pulled together in concern.

"Not at all," I cut him off swiftly, reassuring him when I stalked over and patted him on the arm. "But, it is getting kinda late. I should go home."

Embry raised an eyebrow, "You've been here for what, 10 minutes?"

"A little less than an hour," I replied truthfully, "I'm happy that Billy convinced him to let me come of course, 'cause my persuasion skills aren't exactly sharp… but really, now that I think about it, my dad is probably stressing out at home about this. And I really don't want to be a burden to him, or to you guys… ha." Embry gave me a look so incredulous, like I had just ripped off my clothes and started jumping on the couch. Seth looked away briefly and ran his hand over his head: a clear gesture (in my mind) that I had said something to upset him.

Fuck, I'm stupid. But my paranoia was beyond persistent.

I rubbed my arms self-consciously, and Seth said, "Yeah, we'll take you home."

"I'll go get Jake," Embry offered, and his tall form exited the house. We stood quiet for a minute, and I took a peek up at Seth from the corner of my eyes. He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes and I felt horrible. Had I really offended him? It's not that I didn't think he wasn't cool; I just didn't like being surrounded by people I hardly knew, let alone in a place that is unfamiliar to me.

"Don't worry about it," Seth leaned forward slightly to get a better look at my expression, "It just kinda bothers me when people aren't automatically comfortable around me… y'know? Makes me anxious." No, I didn't know, but I appreciated his explanation anyway. "I like your hair, by the way. Light reflects off of it… kinda like an angel-thing going on."

Whoa. I just received a compliment. It was one so small, but effective enough to catch me off guard and leave me mentally scrambling for a reply. "Uh, em, y… yeah, you think so?" Had Seth not been there, I would've slapped my hand over my eyes. _Smooth, Nel. Real smooth._

"Wouldn't have said it if I didn't think so," Seth beamed genuinely this time. Oh, what cutie he was. But…

And then I found myself thinking of the rain-slicked chest, the parted lips, the guarded expression he wore even as he slept… just down the hallway of this house. It was a snotty thing of me to do, but I reluctantly admitted to myself that despite the obvious blessed looks of the tribe boys, none had left me so convinced that gravity couldn't hold me to the ground; it was true and clear and wonderful enlightenment. Okay, that sounded ridiculous, but I can't find another way to describe what I felt. Oh, wait… his name. Emily had said it, but I was so humiliated by my moment of weakness, I didn't memorize the name said.

"Thank you," I said with a soft smile, finally lifting my gaze to meet his eyes, "that's nice of you to say." Seth looked to the floor distractedly, and I suddenly thought of a way to wriggle the sleeping boy into our chat. "So… are all your friends as charming as you?" It wasn't really something typical of me to ask (a little… bold?-- for my liking), but I made an exception to my current situation. Seth shifted closer to me, that cute smile never wavering, and I felt nervous butterflies stir in my stomach.

"Nah, that's just me! Embry still trips all over himself like an idiot, Quil and Jared are already committed, Jake is… **painfully **hung up on someone, Colin and Brady are just kids, and Paul--" Even though the bid about Jacob piqued my curiosity and a few names he mentioned were unfamiliar to me, my memory clicked momentarily at the latter name, "well, Paul is an asshole, but still has the rare good moment."

"You got that right," came Jacob's jilt, a hint of annoyance lining his voice. He and Embry came in, and I hoped they heard only the end of Seth's words. "He walks around like he's all high and mighty, like he's better than us. Goes to show why most of us don't like him. But he's a ticking time bomb--"

"Cause the most stupid crap is enough to get him mad," Embry added, but there was no distaste to his tone. Guess things got personal with Jacob and Paul.

And ugh. It figures that I would be stunned to my heart for a guy who was, as the jury of boys ruled, an asshole.

"Oh…" I was running short of what to ask that wouldn't make me seem like a creep, so I settled on, "Where are… Jared, Brady, and Paul?" I had to pause to remember the first two names, "Did I meet them?"

"Jared's with Kim, his girlfriend, Brady is somewhere around here, and Paul is in the back room," Embry replied. Oh sweet, sweet, conformation.

"You said you wanted to go home," Jacob interjected before Embry had the chance to continue the conversation.

"Not that I wanted to," I argued, "I need to. Believe me, I'd stay if I didn't feel so guilty about giving my dad more worry lines on his face." Jake smiled and clapped his large hand on my shoulder, clearly understanding and not offended in the way Seth had oddly been.

"Gotcha, short stuff. Let's get going now then, cause I need to come back here." I honestly didn't mind the nickname. Why protest the truth behind the dubbing?

I said my brief goodbyes to Embry and Quil, the latter who had came into the house to get something to eat. Seth wasn't coming with us, which bothered me a bit. He couldn't _really _possibly think that I was leaving because I didn't be around him? He shouldn't care to see me again, considering I had decided that I did, in fact, want to burden him to be my friend. So I went over to him, and wrapped my arms around his torso, not really thinking the action through despite my usual shyness. This surprised him, but he finally gave the previous gorgeous smile, and I knew that I had reassured him again that he didn't repel me in the least. I didn't see her in the hallway anymore, so I asked Seth politely to thank Emily for being so kind, and Sam… well, just thanks, I guess. Jake and I trekked back to the beach, passing up the bonfire, to which I waved stupidly to the few people who looked our way. I figured it was rude enough that I was leaving so abruptly, so might as well gesture goodbye.

And beautiful Jacob laughed and teased me the entire time we were crossing back through the forest, saying the tree roots clearly had it out for the city girl. I wasn't clumsy, really; so the trees _must _have it out for the awful city girl. Or maybe I was just still so entranced by Jacob's unbelievable good looks, that my sense of balance was pretty much disconnected from my body. Psh, like I could give him that excuse…

I was thankful when we reached the old Rabbit, and I wouldn't admit it, but my body was already worn by the physical activity. Remember, I'm no athlete. Jake opened the door for me, and I hopped in. We pulled out from the parking space, and I was happy in the silence as he began to drive into the freeway. There was slight traffic, so he slowed behind the line of cars as I leaned my head back against the headrest of my seat. I'm surprised at myself; usually I would be rigid in a car with anyone, but I didn't feel that way with Jacob at all. It was as if simply his presence made me comfortable.

"Can I ask you something?" Jake's deep voice effectively broke the silence, and my eyes snapped open, quickly turning to give him my attention.

"Shoot."

"I don't mean to pry, but did you really want to leave just because you don't want your dad to trip out, or was there something more?"

I blinked, unsure of how to answer. Yet, I felt lying would get me nowhere with Jake, and I really wanted him to be my friend. "Well…" I chickened out as I trailed off, but I knew my tone had given me away.

"I thought so," Jacob nodded. "I told Seth not to be so weird, but hey, he's still awkward around girls."

Whoa, wait. Where did that come from? Oh geez, he thought this was about Seth too!? "No, no!" I was surprised at the hint of annoyance in my voice, but I continued, "It had nothing to do with Seth, I swear! You all are awesome, it's just… okay, I'm weird with new people! I thought you guys might have picked up on this! I just started to feel a little uncomfortable, I'm sorry… and plus, I embarrassed myself in front of Emily."

Jacob had been frowning up until the point when I mentioned Emily, and he raised a brow in suspicion, "What do you mean?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger, deciding to tell the truth, but not the whole truth. "I was looking for the bathroom, and… well, I walked into the wrong room. _He_ was sleeping in there, and I—I was stunned, so I just stood there like an idiot until Emily came in and had to put her hand over my mouth to keep me from screaming, because she surprised me when she came up behind me."

"Paul," Jacob said with a snort. "It's a good thing you didn't wake him up, then. But I don't see why you're embarrassed, that could happen to anyone. And… sorry about before."

"What?"

"For thinking it was because of Seth, when you said that it wasn't him beforehand."

"Oh… please don't apologize." Seeing his innocent frown again, I immediately regretted being slightly irritated with him. "And… why is it such a concern if I left because of Seth?"

Jake didn't say anything at first, and he looked as though he was thinking of a way to answer me. He shifted in his seat, then, "He thinks you're cute."

_Okay… I can believe that, I guess_._ It's normal 'cause younger guys naturally want the older girl right? There's nothing more to it._ Instead, I tried, "Um… he does?"

"Yep."

"Well… why are you telling me this, ha?" I didn't voice my further worry: I would consider this a traitorous act if this were a situation involving Ruth and I, if she was telling a guy I thought he was cute without my consent. I would kill-a bitch.

"You were honest with me, I'm being honest with you. Seth can't hide things very well, anyway; you would've caught on in at least over the next week. Plus, don't the best friendships begin with a dirty little secret?" Jake grinned as he said this, and the will to argue had left me.

I loved the drive home with Jacob. After everything was cleared up, we talked about normal things to get to know one another better, and it made me insanely happy that we felt well enough about one another to talk about certain things. He liked cars, I liked photography (though I can't take a decent picture to save my own life due to a lack of a professional camera). His mom died, my mom packed up and left. His dad was a preaching and paranoid widower, my dad was a struggling divorcee still trying to piece himself back together. But what surprised me during our talk was discovering that his self-confidence was just as shaky as mine. I mean, I'm not the prettiest flower in the field, but I knew I wasn't ugly. Jacob deemed himself awkwardly tall and gangly, his muscles his only saving grace and the only reason why a girl would be interested in him. They wouldn't even bother with his personality, since he has been told more than his fair share of times that he was a jerk. I couldn't believe what he was telling me at first, but I slowly understood the more he unraveled.

Seth thought I was cute, I thought Jake was gorgeous, Jake thought himself tolerable. They seemed to be inconsistent thoughts, but they fit together in my mind. Jake's strangely damaged self-esteem made me realize that even if an individual doesn't find themself personally appealing, someone else was bound to. _Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. _The thought brought a toothy smile to my lips.

When I analyzed back on our conversation, I worried that maybe we revealed too much to each other in an impossibly short time. Then I realized, it's not like we were giving each other our life stories; these were just quick facts that we didn't mind sharing. I was also confident that Jacob had told me some things that he hadn't ever mentioned to his guy friends; hell, I told him a few facts of my own that I hadn't even shared with Ruth.

It was hard for me to get out of the car when he finally pulled up in front of my house.

_XXX_

The next day came too quickly, and the awesomeness of last night had left when I felt the morning chill sweep down my back. I was sleeping on blankets that I arranged on the floor, as Bernard and dad had in their own rooms as well. We were too tired to set up our mattresses last night.

Monday. My first day of school.

Jacob wouldn't be there, Seth wouldn't be there, not even Embry or Quil. Gosh, I miss Ruth. No one I even remotely knew would be attending Forks High School, and that sucked so much, I thought about asking my dad to transfer me to the Quileute tribal school. Yeah, I'd love to see how _that _conversation would go.

I looked at the alarm clock I had set up beside my makeshift bed-- 6: 53 a.m. The device was also on the floor since there wasn't a desk for it yet. My new room was pretty much bare besides the suitcases I had tossed in the right hand corner. I sat up, then immediately regretted wearing a tank top and shorts to sleep. The frosty air of this damn drafty house came down on my body, like a bunch of needles pricking my skin. Warmer pajamas definitely became a priority of mine for the next time my dad would take us shopping. I pulled one of my blankets off of the floor, wrapping it around myself as I shuffled to my own bathroom.

It doesn't take long for me to get ready. My short hair deserved only a few brushes before it fell limply behind my ears again. My only make up was my cover up, since I had a few blemishes to hide (don't most girls do?). I only wore eyeliner, lip gloss, and other facial essentials on special occasions; I never had the patience or reasoning to apply it for the sake of a mere six hours at school. My choice of clothes were grey jeans, a light blue oval-necked shirt, and my usual white tennis shoes. But I looked outside towards the horrific, foggy weather once more, and changed into a pair of warm, fake fur-lined black boots. I didn't have a good jacket (something else I'd have to pick up at a store), so I settled for my plain, grey zip up sweater that Ruth had given to me last year.

"You ready?" My dad was in my room, calling for me through my closed bathroom door. "It's almost 7: 30." Was that late? At my other school, classes didn't start until 8: 20. "The first bell rings at 7: 50 here, honey," my dad said sheepishly, as if he read my thoughts.

Lovely.

We were all in the car in the next minute, Bernard complaining how he didn't have time to brush his teeth. I teased him about morning breath, and dad scolded me to not make my brother feel worse. He reassured Bernard that he could brush his teeth the moment he got home.

We dropped off Bernard first, his elementary school still at a walking distance from the house. Forks High School was, unfortunately, in the heart of the town; once my dad got a job, I'd have to either learn a bus schedule to get me home, or walk quite a bit. We got there a bit late—7:56. My dad took the blame for making me late and shoved me out the car door, saying that I still had the chance to get to class on time. Then I reminded him that I needed to pick up my schedule at the front office, and he slapped a hand over his eyes.

Poor dad. I was late on my first day of school, but he was clearly taking this harder than I was.

I waved goodbye, and walked through the student parking lot. The front office wasn't hard to find, thankfully. I spoke briefly to the heavy set red-headed woman at the desk, and she smiled up at me. "You know, your father went to this school when he was your age." Okay, that wasn't creepy at all. "Such a rebellious young man he was. We're around the same age; I remember him from my years as a student, too. It's good to have him come back, and to have you and Bernie in Forks. Some people just seem to belong here. Give my regards to Desmond, Penelope!" I noted the sparkle in her eyes as she spoke of my 'rebellious father'. She was probably one those ultra-goody girls whose parents wouldn't even let her say the word "boy", so my dad must've been eye candy to her back in the day… the thought made me shudder.

I told her I'd give my regards to him, and walked out, schedule in hand. I had Gym for first period, which sucked major. I hate physical activity in general, even though I've been told I'm pretty good with tennis (only 'cause my mom was obsessed with the sport and I picked up on it when she was still around). Everything else, _especially running_, would be the ultimate torture for me. Then, oh Lord, I had Earth Science. Since I already took Biology and a semester of Chemistry and Physics (which I _barely_ passed), they probably didn't know what else to stick me in. At least the purgatory known as science class would be over for me this year and I wouldn't have to touch the subject again in my senior year. Psychology was after science… that should be interesting. Then I had CP Geometry; not bad, I'm decent with math. English 3 was fifth period, then Art 1 was last. A pretty unremarkable schedule, but I could get through it.

Again, it wasn't really hard to find my class; I stopped to ask a janitor in the hallway where the gymnasium was located. He pointed me in the right direction, and just when I thought I was keeping it cool, I felt the sense of dread in my stomach once I stood outside the doors that undoubtedly led to the changing room. _"You can do it,"_ I remembered Jake reassuring me when I complained about having to start school all over. _"Just remember not to let what they already think of you, get to you. You're Penelope, and you're beyond cool in my book." _I blushed at the thought of his gorgeous laughter.

I sighed and shuffled into the girl's locker room.

_XXX_

A/N: Sigh. No, Seth doesn't fall for Nel (it's just a mutual physical attraction). No, Jake doesn't fall for Nel. Remember, this is about Paul/OC. I just have a love for writing about developing friendships, and I hate it when other stories completely ignore relationships with other characters just so their OC's can get busy with the guy they pair 'em up with.

Ya dig? And hopefully I'm keeping the boys in character and you guys are getting more of a feel towards Penelope.

Please review!


	4. Adjustments

_Chapter 3: Adjustments_

_XXX_

No one threw stones at me, I can assure that much. But I guess it wasn't often that people transferred to_ this_ school so late in the game, because people were staring at me like I was walking around with two heads. I turned my eyes to a group of girls who were assembling into teams for basketball (the physical activity for the day, I guess), and I heard a few of them snicker. I crossed my arms over my chest, not sure what else to do. I couldn't tell what emotion was evident on my face, but I tried to make myself seem like I didn't care.

"So you're Gowan," The teacher didn't ask, he stated, "you'll have to sit out for today. Not only are you late, you don't have the required uniform. You can purchase it at the front office, so get that taken care of by tomorrow. Let's not start off on the wrong foot, Gowan." This teacher, Mr. Meloni, was most definitely going to be on my hit list by the end of the year. He was a thick man, and I mean beer-belly status. His perspiring face was pudgy to the point where you couldn't see his neck unless you looked at him from a side profile. Beady blue eyes, graying hair at a receded hairline, and a sic 'stache under his bulbous nose made me think of that toy, Mr. Potato Head. "Go sit on the bench."

I obeyed without complaint. I sat with my messenger bag on my lap, hugging it close to my body as if it could protect me from an attack that I anticipated was coming. I knew I was just being self-conscious; most of the students lost interest in staring at me, and continued to function around themselves as though I had never walked in. The girls and guys of the class were split up, playing basketball with only someone else of their gender, and Mr. Potato Head watched each side like a hawk. Sexist much?

I took particular notice of a tall African American boy, whose hair was grown out into shoulder length dread locks and teeth that flashed pearly white against his cute face. His laugh was loud and delightful, and I hadn't realized until I refocused on the other boys that he was laughing because he wasn't putting that much effort into their game, yet still managed to make the basket shot from quite an impressive distance and evade the boys who tried to keep up with his agile movements. _Definitely a sport-buff-- oh eww, his friend spit on the floor! At least wait until you're outside!_

The rest of the period dragged on for me, and consisted only of watching other students or chipping off my last week's yellow nail polish. Exciting, I know.

I sighed with relief when the bell rang, and dashed out the door to find my next class. It wasn't hard to find; the room was located just down the main hallway leading away from the Gym. Thankfully, I was the first one to get there, and I introduced myself to the teacher. He seemed young to be a teacher, with his curly brown hair and coke bottle glasses, and was quite a depressed looking man. He smiled weakly at me, then looked over his class seating chart. "You'll be sitting next to Morgan Harrison," he pointed to a double jointed desk set in the second to last row of tables, thankfully placed near the window. I nodded obediently and hurried to my desk when students began to flow through the door way.

I fidgeted in my seat, unsure of how to greet my new table mate. Surely I would have to say hi to her, it's the polite thing to do… but before my thoughts had the chance to completely consume me, something flashed past the corner of my eye, catching my attention.

It was raining, and the scenery outside was slightly blurred from the water running down the glass pane. It almost looked like a distorted painting, and yet what I was looking at wasn't blurry enough to be considered an illusion of sorts. I leaned closer to the window pane, squinting my eyes in an attempt to adjust my vision. What the hell…?

Two figures, I was **sure** there were two, stood at the point where the end of the school campus lawn ended, and joined with the trees lining the beginning of the forest. It was a bit of a distance, but it didn't hinder my view of their outlines. One stood on a rock, the other hunched over slightly towards the ground. My face was so close to the window now, my forehead was pressed lightly against the pane. The figures were dark skinned, tall, and immediately the Quileute boys came to mind. But… wait, are they **not** wearing shirts!? It's like, 50 degrees outside! Or maybe the distance was playing tricks on my vision. Yet, I could clearly see the blue of jeans and the other wearing shorts. I couldn't see the color of shirts, just russet. If I went outside, I could get a better view—

"See something you like? Well that's not possible, 'cause you're not lookin' at me," A voice chuckled mockingly. I jumped in my seat, and turned to look up into the face of the African American boy who had been schooling his team mates during their game of basketball. I felt myself blushing, and looked down at my desk. "I was kidding," he laughed. I still didn't look at him, and intertwined my fingers. I stole a glance outside the window again, but the figures were gone. I felt the boy pull out his chair and took a seat, but he was now talking to a pretty strawberry blonde girl that approached him. She had porcelain skin and glittering dark blue eyes, and her smile was just as brilliant as a commercial ad model. _Sigh. One of those girls who does little to help my ego… _They were still talking, when she turned her smile to me, "Oh, hello! You must be the new girl. I'm Yvette Wilshire, pleased to meet you," she held out her hand.

I took it, giving a meek smile of my own, "Penelope Gowan."

"Oh, you talk to **her**, and you don't say a word to me!" the boy, Morgan I guess, said teasingly.

"Sorry," I mumbled. "I was kinda out of it." When I finished that last word, I took another glance outside: still not there.

"Don't bother apologizing to him," Yvette rolled her eyes, "he'll eventually just try to guilt trip you into giving him your number."

"I have a girlfriend, thank you very much!" Morgan bit out, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Has that ever stopped you before?" Yvette teased, then gave me another friendly smile. I could already tell that she was one of the blonde girls that proved that not all blonde people are assholes on sight (contrary to popular belief, including my father's belief).

"Yeah, and you know you're just waiting for the day I'll ask you out."

"What!? Wait, no--"

"C'mon Yvette, stop lying to your self. You know you've always wanted me and my..." but he let the end of sentence hang, and as a grin spread across his lips, it wasn't hard to guess the last few words.

Even though he wasn't speaking to me, I turned bright red from holding in my laughter, Yvette's face the same color in embarrassment as a few students turned to watch the escalating conversation. "I swear Morgan, you are such a pig! Keep dreaming!" She turned on her heel and stomped back to her desk near the front, where she was seated next to a beautiful bronze-haired girl. She turned her light brown eyes in my direction, then rolled her eyes and looked away with disinterest. What was **that **for?

"Don't mind Claudia. She's hot, but hardly tolerable," Morgan had undoubtedly seen the negative vibe, but was thankfully good-humored about it.

"Yeah, thanks" I smiled, unsure of what to say to him. It was only then that I took time to look towards the front of the room again, and see that the teacher behind the desk was leaned back into his chair, a magazine open on his lap. I frowned, motioning to Morgan, "I take it he's picking out our lesson today from People Magazine?"

Morgan laughed, "Mr. Gerrick has supposedly been having a tough time in his 'personal life', so he's just been lagging it in class for this entire year so far. Saves the trouble of science for us, huh?"

I returned Morgan's smile, then shrugged. "I guess so."

The rest of the period was carried on with aimless conversation with Morgan, and his other friend whose curiosity with me joined in the conversation. He was cute too, but not as good looking as Morgan. He had dark brown hair with deep set green eyes and a goatee. He took no interest in my life in Long Beach like Morgan had begun to; rather, he filled me in with everything I needed to know about Forks. First, avoid going into the forest alone: it's no fun if you don't have friends, and for the obvious reason of it being dangerous. Second, everything that was a source of entertainment for the teens of Forks was located in Port Angeles, movie theater and all. Third, when the sun comes out in Forks, cherish it. Fourth, steer clear of the 'La Push cult'.

And of course, the last one made me frown. "La Push cult?" I repeated. "That's not… a nice thing to say." I felt stupid, but I didn't want to insult the guy for snubbing my few new friends if he had a genuine reason to dislike them.

"Dude seriously, stop hating," Morgan shook his head in disapproval.

The boy, Dillon, ignored Morgan. "You're new, so you don't really understand," he argued humorously towards me, "You see, the La Push boys are what we Forks men like to call 'First Class Assholes.' They swear they're better than everyone outside of La Push. Especially that prick, Jacob Black. He's always coming around here for no reason other than to drag away the attention of all the Forks High School girls. He and his friends can suck one off for all I care."

I felt myself bristle with contempt.

"Oh, please," I almost growled. "I bet you don't even know them, so you're not justified to make calls like that on them." I didn't often lose my temper, and this didn't count either: I just didn't appreciate Dillon's reasoning for talking shit about Jacob and the La Push guys in general.

"**You **don't know them either. Why defend them?" He countered.

Then I paused, and thought about it. I'd only hung out with them for one night; who was I to say that they weren't assholes to people, regardless if they had been kind to me? And then I thought about Seth's shy gaze, Embry's teasing laughter, Quil's bone-crushing embrace, Emily's kind expression, and especially Jacob's warm hand on my head as he tussled my hair after he gave me encouragement concerning my first day of school.

Fuck it if they were indifferent to the boys in Forks. I liked them, and that was that.

"Actually, I do know them," I said a lot more calmer. "And they're a hell of a lot better company than you're turning out to be." As soon as I said the words, I kinda regretted them; I wasn't the type that usually voiced my opinion so bluntly.

But Morgan's laughter lifted the pressure off of my shoulders, "Dude, you got burned! Just sit your ass down, haha!"

Dillon gave me a look that signified that our disagreement wasn't over. "Whatever," he snapped. "I'm not surprised the new girl instantly became their groupie, anyway." He stalked back to his seat, and the bell rang.

"Don't listen to that dumb ass," Morgan chuckled, "he's just pissed 'cause one of the Quileute boys stole a girlfriend from him last year. His ego is still pretty bruised up by it."

He gave me a grin that was infectious and made me laugh off Dillon's latter comment. I scratched the back of my neck self-consciously, and stood up from my seat. We had the next class together as well, and I was beyond ecstatic. As we walked side by side, Morgan dropped the previous conversation and talked about the simple pleasures of growing up in Forks, but how it would have been awesome to witness the city lights of Long Beach as I had. He talked so freely and with genuine interest in what I had to say… and I couldn't stop staring at his smooth, full mouth. His dreads, pulled back into a loose ponytail as of now, also swayed when he moved his head as he talked, and kinda reminded me of Bob Marley… another simple gesture that made me laugh quietly to myself.

Morgan Harrison was cool. Definitely cool.

_XXX_

The following class with Morgan flew by, and now came the dreaded lunch hour. I didn't have the heart to ask Morgan if I could sit with him, so I rushed off to the front of the lunch line, picked up my food, and walked back out into the hallway. Only a few kids hung out in the hallway, while the lunch tables were filled with their particular cliques, none of which I knew I'd fit into quite yet… maybe not ever, knowing my tendency of having only a few close friends.

Jeez, I miss Ruth.

I walked down the hallway until I came to the end of the fifth row of lockers, and sank at the corner of the where the last locker met the wall. I was hungry, yet wasn't really in the mood to eat, so I pushed the food around on my plate.

… Well, this sucks.

I don't understand how the people labeled 'loners' at my school could stand being alone. I'd been alone for nearly 15 minutes, and already I was feeling weird about it.

"Hey, spot stealer." I fumbled with my tray in surprise, and looked up to the owner of the intruding voice. Before me stood a girl who looked to be about my height if I were standing up, with jet black hair reaching down to her waist. She was of Asian ethnicity, with slanted brown eyes, high cheek bones, and a lean build. She had light skin, but not the same sunless-pale like most of the students at Forks High School did. She raised an eyebrow as she observed me. "Well?"

"Well…?" I repeated.

She seemed to ruminate over something for a minute in her silence; then she shrugged, and sank down on the floor next to me. We were thigh to thigh, and I looked at her incredulously through the contact that did not seem to bother her at all. She took a bite of her slice of pizza, chewed, then looked at me again.

"I take it that knowing names isn't a necessity for you," I mumbled.

She laughed, and her voice was light and slightly boyish, "I don't do intros. But for you, I guess I can be a normal person for a few seconds," she held out her hand, and I took it without hesitance, "Jian-Li Wickam." She gave me a firm hand shake, and I had to smile enormously due to this stranger's tenacity and exuberance. I also really, really liked her awesomely random name.

"Penelope Gown. Nice to meet you…?" I trailed off, not clearly remembering how to pronounce her first name.

"It's Jian-Li, but for my sanity's sake, please just keep it at Li."

Not that her forwardness wasn't welcome … "If you don't mind me asking but, why are you acting like you've known me for a few years?" Wow, that totally sounded like an asshole question, but I couldn't think of another way to word it. To her credibility, she took no offense and replied casually,

"I've been a hermit for two weeks now. Might as well start playing nice since I'm going to be here for my senior year, too," she giggled nervously towards the end of her statement.

Immeasurable joy pumped my heart as I connected the dots of what she was saying. "You're new, too!?" I whispered excitedly. Wait, why was I whispering?

Her eyes widened slightly, and a full-on braces smile beamed in return. "Yes, ma'am!"

"Where are you from?"

"Manhattan, New York. I can't believe you're the new girl! When people kept saying 'new girl', I figured that they were still talking about me, ha. And you?"

I was surprised by the huge distance between our homelands, and how overall moving to Forks must have been way harder for her than it was for me. "Long Beach, California," I said a bit miserably, suddenly remembering Ruth and sunny days again.

"Well…" Li smiled conspiratorially, "we may be from total opposite sides of the States, but methinks that we'd have way more in common with each other than we would with the pale-faced kids of this ghost town." And oh, how right she was. The rest of lunch carried through animatedly with Li, and we revealed more to each other in the half hour than I had to my dad through conversation in years (sad, I know). Just as it had been with Jacob, it was surprisingly easy for me to talk to her.

She was miles away from the kind of person I was, and differed greatly even from out-spoken Ruth. Li was vibrant, sarcastic, and just down right a lit fire, to which I the moth, was unabashedly drawn to. She asked me if I could come back to this same spot tomorrow, and I was more than happy to oblige.

_XXX_

_Jacob's P.O.V_

I thought I could get used to the smell of wet dog. Honestly, I didn't think I smelled too bad even when I was drenched from head to toe. But Paul stunk like yesterday's barf. Maybe it was because I just couldn't stand the guy that I thought so lowly of him in every aspect possible-- maybe I should ease up.

But then I looked at Paul full on face to face, and he glared annoyingly back at me as if his equal dislike of me could phase me.

Nevermind. Paul smells.

I swear, I must've done something to piss off Sam if he sent me to do rounds in Forks with **Paul**. Ugh, just his name let's you know he's an asshole. I stretched my arms over my arms, wishing again that someone I was cool with was doing rounds with me instead of the **awesome **silence that always followed when me 'n Paul were alone. I realized I should just focus on getting our task done. The sooner we got this over with, the sooner I could go back to doing something mindless and entertaining.

Maybe I should I hang out with Nel Gowan again? She was a cool chick. Kinda jumpy, but eh, after spending more time with me maybe she won't look like she's anticipating an attack all the time. I also need to tell Seth to lay off: she looked like buddy-buddy material for me, and I didn't need his clumsy little boy hormones to scare her away.

"Hold up," Paul had finally spoke, breaking into my thoughts. The pack liked to run in human form if there wasn't a threat around, so we were handling rounds in shorts and jeans at the moment. But when we both halted, he clearly bristled, but he did not tremble in warning of a phase. Still, something was up.

We had run along the entire east side of Forks already—all clear. Now we were a few yards away from Forks High School, and as I took in the sight of the school, I felt my lips set into a thin line. For a moment, I brushed off the fact that something had caught Paul's attention, because I was reminded of the crippling pain that shot through my chest when I remembered a _particular person_ who had attended this school only a few months ago…

_No. No, __**no**__. Don't even go there Jake_, I had to tell myself.

I refocused on Paul, who said quietly, "You smell that?" With it raining and all, it was hard to smell a lot of things. But when I actually paid attention and wasn't distracted by anything, I could single out what Paul had picked up…

Holy crap.

I felt my skin begin to tremble violently, but I tried to hold myself together in a stupid attempt to outshine Paul, who seemed to be handling this new truth like nothing. My insides began to twist at the sickeningly sweet smell that burned my nostrils, accompanied by the stench of rust and copper. The icy rain did nothing to soothe my heated body as the same two words circled through my head to the point where I felt dizzy:

_The Newborns. Newborn vampires, newborn vampires, newborn vampires._

_XXX_

A/N: Do Jake smell a growing story line? Yes, indeed he does. More on Penelope, but also a P.O.V. from Jacob. You know you love it! And YES, finally some Paul/Penelope interaction in the next chapter. Forgiveness for lagging it?

BTW, Bella and the Cullens will not play a pivotal roll in this story. In fact, I don't want to include the Cullens at all: they will merely be mentioned. But considering I am a die-hard Bella/Jacob fan… I might make something happen on the sidelines. You guys have to give me your opinions on the matter.

Don't forget to review, please! I appreciate all the Favorites and Alerts, but me loooooves the reviews even more!


	5. Burning

_Chapter 4: Burning_

_XXX _

Thankfully, my dad picked me up from school so I wouldn't have to ask around for a bus that would take me back home. Bernard was in the backseat of the car already, wriggling around in excitement. As soon as I closed the passenger seat door:

"Hey Nel, what do you think of your new school? Mines is awesome, I really like it! I made a bunch of friends, everybody wanted me to talk about Long Beach and why we moved here, and--"

Damn it. Was it going to be like this for the rest of the day?

Bernard kept on chattering about his day, until my dad motioned for him to quiet down, which I was grateful for because I was beginning to get a headache. But then dad turned to me, "Well, my day consisted of applying for jobs," he smiled, "and I found one. They just have to do some background checks, and then I can start my job at the hospital when they call me in."

I raised an eyebrow; I was glad for my dad's job success, but I knew he was no doctor. He worked as an assistant at a law firm back in Long Beach, which is polar opposite to a medical practice. What was he up to? But he seemed to read my face, and his smile widened, "No, I'm not going to be cutting anyone up on an emergency table. I'm a documentee! I file patient and hospital staff papers. Kinda like I did at my old job, only it's obviously at a hospital and the pay is better." I nodded in understanding. Then he asked me, "How was your day, Nel?"

I thought about my answer for a minute, then, "Well, I made a few more friends, so I guess it turned out good. I got a really mean P.E. teacher, though."

Dad chuckled at that, "What teacher?"

"Some Mr. Potato Head looking dude. I think his name was Mr. Meloni?"

"I was sure I'd know him, but the name doesn't ring a bell." The rest of the drive home was filled with quiet laughter and Bernard complaining that he wasn't finished telling us about his day. I swear, on some days, I just felt like shoving a toilet paper roll in that kid's mouth.

We made our way up the long drive way, and pulled up in front of our house… my eyes nearly bugged out of my head as I set my sight on a tall figure. Sitting on the walkway of the house, was my beautiful new friend Jacob Black.

A million questions ran through my head, and I could hear my heartbeat pounding through my ears. _What is he doing here? Is something wrong? Wait, why would he come to me if something was wrong? Gah, just shut up Nel, shut up!_

I didn't care if my dad frowned in suspicion; as soon as the car engine shut off, I jumped out of the car and pretty much jogged towards him. Jacob met me half way in a few short strides, and I suddenly felt stupid again, because I knew I was _way_ too excited to see him. "Uh, um…" I tried.

"Sorry," Jacob sighed, suddenly seeming as weirded out as I was, "uh, I was just wondering if… if you left this at the bonfire last night?" Jake placed a beaded, green, hand held purse into my hands, and I was confused. I didn't take anything with me last night; surely he noticed that, we had spent quite a bit of time together. Or maybe he just didn't pay attention to little details like purses, and he genuinely thought it was mine?

"No, this isn't mine," I replied, and for some reason I heard laughter lining my voice. This seemed to please Jacob, because a grin of his own crossed his handsome face. The beginning awkward tension was gone instantly.

"Jeez, I was just wondering! I've asked a few girls already who were at the bonfire too, and none of them said it was theirs. I didn't remember seeing you carrying anything, but you know, I just wanted to make sure."

How many guys did you meet like Jacob Black? Zero, zip, zilch, that's how many. He'd spent his free time looking to return a lost purse to a girl. Who does that, honestly?

"That's so… gentleman like of you, ha…" I was blushing slightly, but I knew it was more because of Jake's mannerisms rather than his looks this time.

"Aw, stop it. I was tempted to keep it for my own collection, but Emily convinced me to be the better person and return it."

I laughed suddenly, so loud, the way I had when I had been with Ruth. I hadn't laughed like this since I left Long Beach, and jeez, did it feel good. Jacob laughed with me, until my dad cleared his throat. I looked to him and Bernard, my younger brother who seemed to have a smug smile. I'd get him later, that's for sure.

"Nel…" My dad said in a weird tone of voice.

"Dad, of course you remember Billy's son, Jacob?" I rolled my eyes, trying to shrug off my dad's wary gaze.

"Yeah, yeah… how's your dad, Jacob?"

"He's good," Jake said without fret. "He told me last night that he looked forward to catching up with you."

_Nice touch, _I thought.

"Tell him it's the same for me," My dad nodded, gave me one last look, then unlocked the front door and dragged my complaining brother inside.

"Sorry about that," I said a bit nervously as the door shut behind them. "My dad's just…"

"Being a dad," Jacob finished, a grin still on his lips.

"Yeah, ha."

"Hey Nel, I was also wondering… Would you like to come to dinner at Emily's house tonight? It's a barbeque she's having in her backyard. Of course, your dad and brother are invited too. It's not a teen thing, mostly family and good friends function, but the guys will be there. My dad and all of the other boring old people will be there, too."

This stunned me, and suddenly my heart swelled. He really was trying to get me to feel comfortable in my new home, wasn't he? He actually cared (I'd like to think). "I'd love to," I said without hesitance, this time not wavering at the thought of seeing strangers. I was introduced to most of them anyway, right? "And I'm positive my dad will be all too eager to go as well."

"That's great!" Jacob said with genuine enthusiasm, which rubbed off on me and caused me to interlace my fingers over and over in shared excitement. "Then we'll see you tonight at around 7?" I nodded, and Jacob closed the distance between us and wrapped a long arm around my shoulders and hugged me into the side of his body. My heart beat became irregular once again, thumping wildly at such a simple gesture. "See you later, then" Jacob's breath stirred the hairs at the top of my head, and I felt goosebumps rise on my skin. He chuckled one last time, then bounded off towards the driveway. Wait a minute…

"Jake, where's your car?" I called after him, for he was already beginning the trek down the long driveway. La Push and my house weren't exactly in strolling distance-- maybe he parked it at the gateway and I didn't see it on our way in?

His eyes seemed to widen in realization of something, then, "Uh… it's good to walk. Yeah, I love walking."

… What? He seriously **walked **all the way here? "Jake--"

"Sorry Nel, gotta go!" Jacob took off sprinting down the rest of the driveway, and he was out of sight before I could even think to finish my sentence, leaving me confused as hell on my doorstep.

_XXX_

I dashed down the driveway to avoid more of Nel's unanswerable questions. I couldn't possibly be starting to forget simple human things like driving long distances, right? It may be more convenient and fun to run at inhuman speed for miles on end, but I had to keep in mind that I needed to not make it so obvious that I wasn't… well, normal.

"'It's good to walk'?" The usual unpleasant harpy greeted me at a break in the trees, "'Yeah, I love walking'? Jake, you're a moron."

"Shut up," I snapped. Leah always knew how to make a situation sour…

"You can't slip up like that, not even a little bit," Leah warned. Her usually bitter voice now had an uglier, serious tone to it. "Just be thankful I'm not Sam. You wouldn't hear the end of it."

I rolled my eyes, "The only reason you're not more upset about this is because you got the hots for Nel's little brother."

Leah's eyes regarded me coolly, and I knew I had something coming. "No one has control over who they Imprint upon," she used the oldest defense in the book, "Quil Imprinted on a toddler. Jared Imprinted on a girl he didn't even know **existed** before he turned. Sam Imprinted on my cousin," I noted that Leah, for the first time in my memory, spoke of Sam and Emily without any pain in her voice. I guess Imprinting on that kid Bernard was a good thing for her in that aspect, then… Now the pack would finally be spared of her horrid and depressing thoughts concerning our Alpha. "Remind me, who's **your** Imprint?" The last bit caught me off guard.

She was stepping on dangerous grounds with me, and her sarcastic remark further prompted me to meet her half way. "You're just all high and mighty now because you Imprinted, and you don't have to bitch and moan over Sam anymore. Don't let it get to your head Leah, because it's not true love." She wanted a fight? Hell, I'd give her one.

"And what has true love earned you, Jake?" She snarled. "A broken heart and the knowledge that Bella Swan is getting nailed by rich, pretty boy, blood-sucking Edward Cullen, that's what."

I should've burst into shreds right then and there, I didn't care what the repercussions would be. The idea of tearing her apart sounded appealing right now because that would mean she could **never** remind me again of what I didn't have. I looked down to see my body shaking violently. It didn't pain me that I was devoid of an Imprint, really… But it pained me that I was denied Imprinting on the only person I wouldever want, the only person I could see living out my life with. It sounded like a teenage cliché, but I knew_— Bella _knew most of all— that my feelings surpassed all normal meaning.

And she didn't want me.

As this familiar thought pulsed through my being again, I lost the will to retaliate against Leah. I turned away from her still shaking, walked a short distance, and sat at the base of a random tree. My thoughts of lossthat circulated through me forfeited any insight of caring of my current actions. Silence stretched on between me and the harpy, and I knew she was now aware of the full ill-infliction that her words had upon me.

"Sorry," she said a little too quickly for my liking, "I wasn't thinking."

"What a surprise," I said icily, trying to stifle my growing tremors of rage.

"Seriously, I'm sorry. I don't apologize unless I mean it. You started it, anyway… ugh, I mean!—Just forget it. Sorry."

Silence again.

Leah, of all people, should be more sensitive towards me. Just a while ago, she was in my place: longing for someone she could never have. Now her Imprinting instilled the idea that she was invincible… what an idiot. I didn't ask for much, especially from Leah, but some compassion on her part wouldn't kill her.

Then she cleared her throat, "So... did you pick up anything around the Gowan's house?" Hah, a subject change. A habit the pack seemed to hone in general.

I went along with it. "Not really. The smell gets stronger further into the woods… but they live in a pretty secluded area. Leeches might take advantage of that, so it'd be a good idea to keep an extra eye out for the family."

Sucks that I had to borrow a purse from Emily and act the part of a 'good Samaritan' supposedly looking for the purses' owner. What else could I use as an excuse to see Penelope? I was checking to see if the family in general was okay, but I'd look like a complete creep if I just showed up for nothing… the invite to Emily's was a genuine add from me, though. I did in fact, want to hang out with Nel of my own accord. God knows how much I needed a _normal, _non-supernaturally involved friend at this point of my miserable existence.

"That won't be a problem," Leah smiled slightly, probably anticipating getting to know Bernard better, "Now we need to skim over the local hiker trails," Leah reminded me. "Paul already went ahead North, I'll cover South. Guess that leaves you East."

I nodded and watched Leah bound off past the fir trees, hearing the familiar ripping of her transformation. When I knew she was a good distance away, I rose to my feet. I wasn't staring at anything in particular. Just the ground, the baby sprouts of grass.

I wasn't shaken anymore.

Instead, I was overcome with_ her_ familiar lavender scent, feeling the brush of her soft brown hair on my fingertips, reminiscing of the taste of her in my mouth…

Wishful thinking often came with the mention of her name, it didn't matter who said it.

I had to wait for my delusions to clear completely before I phased and bounded towards the eastern trail.

_XXX_

Dad didn't know how to say no to people outside of his own kids. I was thankful that Bernard and I had inherited the one good trait from my mother: she said no when she damn well pleased. Backbone, most people call it. Sadly, my father was an abundance of softness, breakable and often not speaking his opinion. Sure, I didn't always speak my mind either; but Dad's meekness was borderline pushover (which he isn't entirely, I assure you).

I could tell the moment the words flew out of my mouth, he did **not** want to go to dinner at Emily's. So much for "eager."

"But dad, Jake said all the adults were going to be there. So… what gives?"

"Look, ah… Penelope," Uh-oh, he only says my name in **that** tone when he's attempting to be serious. "I'm happy that you're making friends so quickly, but… I don't want Billy to think I'm already going to be an invasive neighbor. I don't wanna push a rediscovery of our friendship. So why don't we take the whole 'going to another person's dinner' slow?"

His reasoning made little to no sense to me. "Dad, Jake said Billy looked forward to catching up with you."

"Jake said this, Jake said that," my dad mocked me somewhat childishly, "He's a teenage boy and he'll probably say anything you want to hear so he can get you to like him."

I felt a blush rising to my cheeks, wishing oh-so much that I were capable of attracting someone like Jacob Black. But my dad didn't need to know that… "Dad," I tried again, "Why don't you call Billy yourself and--" I was cut off mid-sentence by our newly installed telephone ringing. My dad looked at me expectantly, and when I shrugged, he trudged over to pick up the earpiece.

"Hello?" He said in a fake-friendly voice. His plastered smile faltered, and then he was genuinely grinning. "Oh…?" He continued. "Billy, nice to hear from you!"

_Score_.

_XXX_

"… Are we ever getting out of the car?" Bernard whined, breaking the silence.

We had pulled up next to the sidewalk across from Emily's home over 15 minutes ago, and my dad had not budged from behind the driver's wheel, and refused to let us get out of the car. He stared nervously at the other cars that lined Emily's sidewalk, and some in the driveway. His hands gripped the steering wheel like a life line, his large knuckles white with strain.

This situation was a reminder of where I got my people skills from.

"Dad, seriously," I tried, "are we just gonna sit here until someone comes out here and sees us, wondering what the hell we're doing sitting in the car?"

"Watch your mouth," Dad warned.

"I'm just saying-"

"I know what you're saying. I just don't appreciate right now."

I shut my mouth. I had to understand that even though I had made a few friends, Dad had to get to know people… for the second time around. Of course these people were familiar with him, but they didn't know him. That was the thing; they knew Desmond Gowan the **boy**. And from what I've been told by my mother and by my grandmother, I knew my dad was a different man compared to the boy everyone had known then. He was no longer a reckless trouble-maker, as my grandma had once described him; I had never known that person, that boy. I only knew the soft-spoken, scatter-brained, loving man he is now.

I had to understand that. So, I leaned back into my seat.

Bernard groaned and slumped into his seat.

Another set of moments in silence passed, then, "No one leaves Emily's house perimeter," dad sighed.

"Duh, where else are we going to go?" Bernard rolled his eyes.

Then dad's eyes shifted in my direction accusingly. I immediately bristled, my expression undoubtedly one of anger, "_What…? _Are—are you serious!? Why would you even think that!"

"Don't get all defensive, I have every right to think that with Billy's boy on our doorstep."

"That was just today, and he was--" At this point, Bernard was laughing so hard, tears were rolling down his face.

"All I'm saying is," dad cut me off, "Don't leave the house, okay?"

"Fine," I grumbled. "Not like I would have, or not like they would've even offered…" I muttered.

We finally got out of the car, heading towards the walkway leading to Emily's front door. "I thought it was a BBQ in her backyard? Shouldn't we go 'round to the back?" Bernard piped up.

"It's more polite to knock and ask first," Dad reasoned.

I rolled my eyes, walking a distance in front of them and was the first to reach the door. I lifted a had to knock, but suddenly the door swung open—

And I wanted to die.

I was mentally brought to my knees, the breath knocked out of me the moment dark, burning eyes looked down upon me.

The strong, defined face, the curved, expressionless mouth… I knew whose face I was looking into, regardless that he was not in a vulnerable state of sleep after coming in from the rain. His full height had been achieved, standing at Jacob's stature. His shoulders stood broad and proud, and I was engulfed within the heat and obvious arrogance that emanated from his sculpted body, which was in no way deterred by his low-slung jeans and wife beater. I just stared at him, my observance of his invasive presence drowning out my family's entirely even though I knew they must be right behind me. There was a loud, persistent buzz circling my head, which I identified as the music blasting from inside the house, ringing through my ears and making me dizzy. I felt my eyelids sliding downward, another sign of my entranced state. Who the hell had this kind of effect on someone? It was…_ inhuman_.

The fierce look in his eyes faded, changing to disinterest. Not that I could blame him; a plain Jane awe-struck in front of him. Big deal, he probably got it all the time. "You're Jake's friend?" He asked, and it took me a minute to realize he directed the question towards me. Wait, who else would he be talking to? My dad and brother weren't friends with Jacob…

And I felt stupid because then I had another realization: Paul had been waiting for my answer, and I had just stared stupidly at him. His eyes looked away from me, and I was torn between wanting him to continue dismiss me, or give me the pleasure of staring into his burning eyes for a moment longer. He asked my dad something, but I was too consumed with embarrassment to hear what he had said. "Yes, we are," my dad replied, and Paul left the door open for us as he walked back inside, not bothering to glance my way again. I stared after him until he rounded the living room and went out the back door.

My dad went ahead into the house, and I hadn't even acknowledged that Bernard had stayed behind with me until he lightly punched my arm and snickered, "What was _that? _Could you have _not _been any creepier?"

"Shut up," I snarled, fully pulled out of my reverie. Bernard shrugged me off, a smile still on his face, and followed my dad out to the backyard. I hadn't the heart to face people just yet. I plopped down into a cushioned chair in the living room, wishing so much that it'd swallow me up into oblivion. I really, really made a fool of myself. More so than I had with anyone else I had met from the Quileute tribe, which sucked because I had to make a fool of myself in front of the one person (I could no longer deny) that had left me stunned and longing for more.

I didn't even know him. Yet one would think my seeming infatuation with him was borderline desperate. I bet he didn't even know my name.

"I coulda sworn you looked way more excited to be coming when I talked to you earlier. Now it looks like you'd rather be anywhere but here," a familiar, good hearted voice rang through the small room. I perked up instantly at the sight of Jacob, who had come in at some point without me noticing. "What's wrong?" He asked, walking over to stand directly in front of me. I hated my expressive face, which no doubt gave away my negative vibe.

"I…" I trailed off, not looking into his eyes. "I just…"

Jacob seemed to think something over quickly, and flashed me a brilliant smile. "We don't gotta talk about it. I can live with not knowing things, if I can still make you feel better by making you laugh." I sighed in relief, and he tussled my hair, "C'mon, short stuff. Let's get you outside. It's too damn hot in here."

I eyed at him strangely, "Hot? It's freezing…"

"To you. Now C'mon," he said, wrapping his large, warm hand around my elbow and pulling me up from the chair with no effort. He gave me a brief half-hug for comfort and led me to the back door, banishing my previous embarrassment and bringing a small, genuine smile to my lips.

How I love thee, Jacob Black.

_XXX_

A/N: Sorry for the wait, real life's a bitch. Sorry if this chapter wasn't as good as my previous ones… And please, PLEASE review!


	6. Beginning Invasion

_Chapter 5: Beginning Invasion_

_XXX_

_Jacob's P.O.V._

Poor Penelope Gowan. Nervous wreck, yes she was. I needed to show her that really, no one cares for too long if you embarrass yourself around here.

When I first walked in, she looked so much like a little kid. She was sitting in Sam's favorite, hideous chair, with an expression that made her seem that she'd love nothing more than to sink into the cushions and not resurface: her short hair fell into her face, and her mouth was pulled back into a pitiful pout. It's a shame that it's imbued in my soul to feel bad for distressed girls, whatever the case may be. But after a brief talk, I could tell just by the changed expression on her features that I had lightened the mood with a few simple words. It's a good feeling, you know, when you're able to make a difference to someone in little, unimportant ways. At least to me it is; I don't like seeing downer people in general unless they deserved it, which was rarely the case… excluding my pack.

I pulled her up, then placed my hand on her lower back to signify encouragement. She likes that, right? The whole encouragement thing. But my keen eyes did not miss the immediate splash of color flooding her cheeks, the way her eyes shifted away from my face, or when her hands intertwined together self-consciously.

_Oh, Jesus. I hope… _

Now, I know it's not wise to jump to conclusions; believe me, I've made that mistake more times than I'd like to remember. I knew the effect I had on girls, the way their eyes roamed over my body, or the way they tried to pay special attention to every word that left my mouth (seriously, I could be talking about a rock and it'd be treated as the most interesting topic in the world). I didn't care for them, so why not let them pine after me? I always made it clear that I took no interest, so it was their mistake if they continued an unfruitful pursuit. For once though, I minded: I prayed that this girl wouldn't fall for me, not even on a crush-basis. It was nothing against her; she's not really my type, yet I wouldn't have said no had this been over a year ago. But my messed up personal reasons keep pulling me to my knees, and I desperately needed a normal friend, someone who I could find faith in a friendship and didn't know my ugly truths. I couldn't let her see me in that certain way, because I wouldn't let it go anywhere.

I couldn't let her know that I was a lost cause.

I staved off the pain that attempted to pulse through me. I got lucky this time, but I could only fight it so much. As soon as we were out the door, my hand retracted from her lower back.

"Glad to see you here," Seth approached us, smiling towards Nel, "Hopefully you won't bail in an hour, huh?"

I rolled my eyes, _Just don't be a creep._

Nel smiled, keen to hide her previous discomfort in the house. "No, I actually plan to stay for about 20 minutes this time."

Seth laughed, running a hand through his hair. "That's good... that you're staying, I mean." Just two days ago, it had been buzzed and now it was long enough to tuck behind his ears. Hence, why I didn't even bother to cut my hair anymore; it grew back in minutes. But you wonder why I pointed out the running-a-hand-through-his-hair? Now, why would I pay attention to something like that? Because that was a very obvious "dude-sign" that Seth very recently picked up from the others. Seth could never hide how he felt, so we always knew who he took an interest, but I'd be damned before he'd try to get fresh with Nel. I didn't need his awkward little boy hormones scaring her away.

"Nel, ya hungry?" I cut into whatever they were talking about, which I wasn't even giving the slightest attention to seeing as I momentarily spaced out. I wrapped a hand around her upper arm in silent persistence and looked down into her eyes, to which she blushed and nodded immediately. I brushed past Seth and took her over to the barbecue, and grabbed two plates for us.

Another thing that sucks about hiding a big hairy beast: I was _always_ hungry. I knew these burgers and hot dogs didn't stand a chance.

After picking out our food (piling on, in my case), we sat at a table with Embry and Quil. Seth was staring at us from across the yard, where he stood in a circle with Paul and three Makah girls, whose parents were acquainted with Sue. Like many other girls, they giggled and found excuses to move closer to them. Seth was too awkward to do much, and it's too bad they couldn't see past Paul's stupid, cocky grin or his pecks to know the dickhead that lurked underneath. What unfortunate souls they were.

"You and your family look like a couple of spooks compared to the majority of this crowd," Embry cracked, giving Nel a one-armed hug.

"But I'm not pale at all," she frowned. "And sorry for not being tall, dark, and beautiful," she sighed.

"_You're sort of beautiful…" _

I knocked over my gigantic cup of punch, spilling it all over the table and onto plates of food, but not onto anybody's clothes. I slapped a hand over my eyes as people turned to look. "Nice going, asshole," Quil snorted. I shot him a glare that I hoped he would feel all the way down to his gut, because he knew that as of late, I wasn't in the mood for anybody's shit. I stood and easily pulled off the table cover, taking my plate and Penelope's seeing as my punch drenched her rice and hotdog.

"I'll be right back," I muttered to her. "I'll get you a new plate."

"No Jake, really, I can—" she began.

"Please," I said, genuinely needing an excuse to step away for a minute.

She wrung her hands, "Oh… okay, thank you."

"That's really nice of you, taking your time to get our food again." Embry held up his own punch-soaked entrée, to which I smirked.

"Sorry, I only get food for the cool people." I winked at Nel, and she smiled.

Embry opened his mouth to protest, but I stalked off. Embry just shrugged it off apparently, because I wasn't even inside the house before I heard, "Not that I mind 'beautiful', but whatever happened to handsome?"

I looked back momentarily to gauge her response. "Haha, ha…" There she goes again, blushing up a storm. At least it reassured me that her chances of having a special interest in me were probably not true, and maybe she just got shy around anything when it came to the opposite sex…

Which is _exactly_ how I used to be.

I ducked into the back door, thankful that nobody was inside. I dumped the plates, then headed out to the front yard to lay out the table cover on the grass. Unlikely, but maybe it would dry even in the normally frigid air. I then took a deep, needful inhale, pinching the bridge of my nose with my fingers as I looked back on the previous moment.

"_You're sort of beautiful…"_

She just wouldn't leave me alone.

Pain. What I needed was physical pain. Maybe that would be enough to distract me for a moment, because even a moment of release would be something I'd relish within. But I knew I wasn't that lucky, that even if I had a moment of freedom from my mental and bodily arrest, I'd never be capable of dispelling my memories of her. And even that in itself was conflicting: one minute I tell myself I regret ever meeting her. That if I was given the choice, I'd want to forget her completely. Even if she was still with the leech in a world where I didn't know her, at least then I wouldn't be so fucking miserable. But then my selfish wish would come right back at me, internally punish me for wanting to forget the only girl who would ever invoke me with such absolute… _love._

It's true, there's no other way to put it. Ever since I had realized the full extent of what I felt for her, I did not want a wife. I did not want children. I did not want a future in general if it meant it could not be with her.

You think I'm talking nonsense. I'm nearing 17, not even considered an adult yet. I didn't imprint on her, so nothing special in the eyes of others ties me to her. Maybe my mind is subject to change. Maybe I'm just devastated because I lost my first love. Maybe I'm over reacting. Maybe I'm not alone, and this is what everyone goes through when they lose their first love. Or, maybe I concur to the popular opinion formed by my pack: I'm crazy. Not **going** crazy, rather that I already am crazy. Sometimes I think I am, too.

Or maybe it's the animal in me that is to blame. A poor but honest excuse for me is that wolves mate for life. But I am also human, so it's a devastating mix:

It means that the moment I fell in love with Isabella Marie Swan, the wolf in me found its' life partner. It's not Imprinting, because imprint or not, I'll never love anyone the way I love her for as long as I'll live. I can't tear myself away from her, because even if she doesn't believe it, she's the only one I'll ever want. That even if by some miracle a girl makes it past my appearance and into my heart, she'll have to settle for only a piece of it--

Because Bella's invasive scent, her delving, clear brown eyes, her heart-shaped face… has an eternal hold within that can never be replaced by another.

_XXX_

"Jake's been gone awhile…" I mumbled incoherently, but Embry still somehow managed to hear.

"Would rather be in his company than mine?" He teased, his face in a close enough proximity that I was pretty sure I was a breath away from a heart attack. Seriously, these Quileute boys **had** to know what they were doing to me. Maybe it was a little inside joke of theirs… _"Hey guys, watch how I mess with the new girl's head! Ha, she __**wishes**__!"_

I do wish. I really, really do.

"I take that silence as a yes," Quil chuckled, his bulging arm nudging me out of my inner-spaz. "Because I make better company than both of you rock heads… don't I, Nel?"

"Um, mmhm…" I shied away from his touch.

If he noticed, he didn't care and threw an arm around me with a good-hearted grin. "I'm just messing around. I'll go get Jake." He walked off, leaving me with a picking-his-teeth-with-a-fork Embry. I had to smile though; in a weird way, he looked like a little kid. While he busied himself, I surveyed the yard.

My dad was sitting in sitting the porch stoop, talking to Jake's dad and Sue Clearwater with the biggest grin. A smile like that… it was something I hadn't seen in so long. I did not see my brother with him; in fact, Bernard was nowhere in sight. Probably in the bathroom, or something. As I continued on, it was as I had expected: I didn't know as many of these people as I thought I did. There were more than a handful of unrecognizable faces. But then my eyes fell on a specific social circle, and stayed there: three pretty, dark-haired girls were chatting up Seth and Paul.

Seth seemed a bit reserved, giving an occasional smile but didn't seem really committed to whatever two of the girls were talking about. And Paul…

I don't know why I suddenly felt disheartened as I watched one of the girls trail her fingertips along his forearm, a sign that she was no doubt making a topic of his stellar body. At first glance, you'd think he was enjoying the attention; but of course, me being the creep that I am had to look deeper into the physical format. I paid special attention to eyes; at this distance, you'd think my mind was playing tricks on me, but the look I read in those eyes… was he irritated? Bored? I hoped so. That means he had no interest in her.

Or maybe he wasn't interested in anything a girl had to say, and he just wanted to get it on. He was clearly a heartbreaker… but I'm only going off of looks. Psh, what did I know? He may very well be a prince on a white horse… but no. Again, the distinct look in his eyes begged to differ. Then that must be it; he wanted her, but he didn't want the conversation. Yeah, that's it.

And sweet mother of Jesus, _he's looking right at me._

My thoughts went into full-on panic overdrive. _What the fuck, are you __**that**__ out of it!? Look away, look away! _And damn me, I couldn't. I wouldn't say I was frozen to the spot, but more like… like I didn't want to look away.

I'm sorry, did I say he's merely looking at me? More like peering into my soul. I was sure my expression hid nothing. I was sure that he could see the breathing speed of my chest quicken, that maybe he could even sense the goosebumps that had broken out on my skin.

And I had to wonder… what did he see? Because I must be on a mental high. That full, sensuous mouth wouldn't upturn into a smile directed at me. Nope, never, because he was surrounded by attractive girls. Why would he even glance my why? He gave me the coldest expression _ever_ at the front door. It was obvious that—

And he's walking over here. Oh God, oh God, oh God.

I don't know why, but I slid over on the bench and closed the distance between Embry and I, to which he finally lowered the fork and raised a brow. We were shoulder to shoul—scratch that, his mid bicep, and his hot breath fanned my hair as he gave a low laugh, "Careful, because I'm starting to think you're making a pass at me."

"Uhn, er…" I tried, but then Paul stopped short in front of us. He was no longer looking at me, and again I was torn between wanting those eyes on me and wanting him to just go away.

"Where's Quil?" Was all he asked, and it was addressed to Embry.

Ouch. I told you, I have a self-inflicting imagination. He was definitely not looking at me. Maybe there had been a bodacious babe standing behind me?

"Quil went off to get Jake. You troubled yourself to walk over 12 feet over here just to ask me that? I'll be sure to tell Quil of your unconditional affection."

"Shut it," Paul growled. "I asked because he owes me still."

Embry rolled his eyes, "Owes you for what?"

"Our last race."

"Are you serious?"

"You're one to talk. Your poor ass knows better than anyone, 20 bucks is 20 bucks."

Embry suddenly growled, I want to say almost inhumanely, and I felt that hairs on my arm stand on end. I didn't want to say anything, but I hated negative tension more than anything in the world, and judging by the alarming flash of anger in Paul's eyes (and over one comment?)… okay, maybe I was overreacting to think they'd actually break into a fight, but the way they were looking at each other was enough to make me think that. "Uh, uh... you still have races?" I cracked nervously. "Ha, guys I know stopped doing that for fun in the 4th grade!"

Lame, I know. But have mercy, I couldn't think of anything else.

They both looked at me, with Embry suddenly breaking into laughter. But his voice sounded far away, despite my body being pressed next to his.

Whatever doubts that I had that Paul had been looking at me were banished. He had been looking at me with those penetrating eyes: but unfortunately, I did not see interest. I saw… wow, what did I see? Was he… was he staring me down? Why would he try to intimidate me? But there it was again—that smile. And my self-consciousness was getting to me: I was beginning to think his smile conveyed that he was aware that he was better than me.

I felt naked all of a sudden. And I decided I_ did_ want him to go away.

"And you are?"

I blinked, realizing Paul was speaking to me. _Who else, idiot?_

"Uh… P-Penelope Gown," I stuttered.

"Jake's new squeeze?"

Again, ouch. That sharp comment should not have hurt me, but it did for some weird reason. He did not say it with malice or anger: he said it with _nothing_. There was no feeling behind his words. He judged me already, and he didn't care.

"Don't go there," Embry warned.

But his words did not deter Paul, and he did break his unreadable gaze away from me. Then I watched his lips mouth the words, "Nice meeting you… Penelope, was it?"

The way he said my name was enough to make me want to disappear into myself, because I was left speechless by the unidentifiable tone in his voice. "Yeah," Embry cut in, a seemingly friendly smile still on his face as he lifted his hand and waved. "Now bye, Paul."

But Paul had already turned to walk away.

_XXX_

A/N: Strange interaction, hm? No, there's no "magic feeling" for Penelope that makes Paul act like a jerk. Truly, he's just being Paul (or as I tried to write). She's nothing to him right now. I just wanted to eliminate the cheesy factor of he-acts-like-he-hates-me-because-he-actually-loves-me. No, siree.

And sorry for the slow update, lol. This chapter is dedicated to one of my reviewers, SunnyZim! Thank you!


	7. Eyes on the Road

_Chapter 6: Eyes on the Road_

_XXX_

"I'd be lying if I said he's not like that all the time. Paul really is a complete prick" Embry snorted while playfully nudging me. "Or maybe he just likes you."

I laughed nervously, knowing that it was intended to be a joke at Paul's expense, but was really at mine considering how much I wish that were the case. "Yeah, that disgusted look in his eyes was actually true blue love." Embry chuckled, seeming to take joy in the fact that my humor was just as easy as his. He continued talking, about what in specific I'm not sure since I was guilty of only half listening. I was still bothered by my very brief encounter with Paul.

Then with no warning, my heart nearly leapt into my throat when I felt an arm snake behind me, and squeeze at the area below my shoulders. I stiffened in reaction, mentally kicking myself when I felt Embry immediately loosen his contact. _Why the __**fuck**__ did I do that!_

I stared at the grass, illuminated only by the dim lamp lights placed in the enclosing of the yard, watching the shoes passing by and crushing the blades beneath them; I was too embarrassed to look at Embry. First off, that was NOT a pass. He merely put his arm behind me, and I freaked. Dear God, I was a Class A loser. "Uh…" I forced out, "uh, Jacob's been gone a while."

"Yeah he has" Embry said in a voice that was not at all affected by my previous behavior. "I'll go get him-"

"No, let me!" I said a little too fast, swallowing my embarrassment and looking up into his face. "I, uh, have to go find my brother anyway, I haven't seen him in a while."

Embry smiled genuinely, and I relaxed quickly. "You know," he chuckled "You needa stop being so… jumpy. Tense. On guard. I thought we were friends."

"… who said we were friends?" I couldn't help but smile.

"Psh, you know you want to be my friend."

I nodded "Guilty." I stood, dusting off my butt from the debris of the table bench. "I'll be right back." I rushed past the dwindling number of people, noting it was indeed getting late.

Paul was no where in sight.

_XXX_

The inside of the house was almost a ghostly kind of empty. I saw a light at the end of the hall in the very room where I first saw Paul, and felt myself being pulled toward it. I walked quietly down the hall, until I reached the cracked door; I could only imagine the expression that must've been on my face.

Inside the room was my brother sitting on the floor, a wired remote in his hand, the blare of the TV lighting his handsome freckled face. But what threw off the seemingly normal image was the smiling Leah that sat next to him, a console remote in one hand and her other hand tousling his hair. A large smile graced her mouth, prettied the steely features that I was greeted with. I wouldn't believe she was the same person that gave me such a chilled regard.

… Well, at least he wasn't bugging ME to play a game, and he was distracted. I shrugged and made my way back down the hall, assuming Jacob wasn't in the house.

The front door had been left ajar, and I walked over. There he was, that hulking mass a human being… crouched over on the porch stair, his head hanging low and his large hands fisted intensely into his hair. What was he doing?

"Jacob?" I called so quietly, I thought he didn't hear me. But I saw the muscles in his hands twitch, and the hunched statue came to life. He turned to look up at me, and my heart sped up when I saw a small smile.

"What's up, Nel?" His voice was hoarse, only adding to the strangeness of how out of it he seemed.

"Oh, well… you were gone for a while, um…"

"Just thinking" he shrugged.

"About?" I tried, but unsurprisingly, he shut me down; I probably would have done the same.

"Nothing important" he said quickly. "Hey, wanna get outta here?"

I blinked in surprise. "I'd like to, but… it's kinda late, and we got school tomorrow, I don't think my dad—"

"Don't dash the idea 'til you ask" he smiled, standing to his full height and walking past me through the front door. "Or until I ask." I raised my brow, but followed.

We were headed to the backyard where Billy and my dad were seated right outside the screen door, but I tugged on his arm before he could go outside. "Are you sure you're okay?" He looked down at me, and said nothing. Something like static went through my arm, he felt unbearably warmer than he already was. What the…

"Stop worrying" his usually kind voice had a bite to it, and I realized it was best to drop my observations of his behavior. There's no way he was going to talk to me about what was bothering him. He stepped out, but I remained behind the screen door. I saw a friendly exchange between Jacob and my father, which I found odd. Dad had a majorly fixed stink eye for Jacob the entire time we've been here. I caught him starting frequently whenever Jacob and I talked or even breathed next to each other, to which he'd whip his head the other way (smooth, dad). But right now, he had nothing but pearly whites for Jacob. I guess talking to Billy and other boyhood company opened him up and made him reassured of the atmosphere. I couldn't really hear above the music and people talking, but Jacob looked mainly at my father when he spoke. My dad pursed his lips without a verbal response, and I saw Billy lean forward and clap a hand on my dad's shoulder, a jesting smile on his face as though he were teasing dad. I watched my dad pause, raise his enclosed hand to his mouth to clear his throat loudly, and I saw his lips form the word "Sure." He said something else, but I didn't bother to keep up. Jacob turned and began to walk back to the house where I was seated on the couch as I watched everything that transpired. He threw one last wave over his shoulder to the older men. He opened the screen door, and I saw the light lining of worry on my dad's face, but the door slammed shut before I could give him a reassuring smile of my own.

"Ready to cheese it outta here, Nel?" Jacob held out a hand to me.

"Does a bear shit in the woods?"

Jacob laughed all the way from the house to his car.

_XXX_

I still found it completely amusing how his large frame looked so awkward driving this little car. Then again, Jacob looks too big to even be on a boat, so he had to make due with his God given massiveness, I guess. I was obsessively changing the radio stations, never finding anything I was satisfied with, and he swatted my hand away and shut it off. "I'd rather hear conversation than the crap that plays on the radio these days."

"Okay. Why the sudden notion to take me home?" If I couldn't ask directly what was on his mind, I'd damn well tip toe around it.

He shrugged. "Crowded."

I knew he could see the skepticism on my face. "You're with a group of equally large boys ALL the time, you told me. Suddenly it's crowded? I didn't think you were a believer in personal space."

"I'm 16, all I **want **is personal space."

"That's really why you wanted to leave?"

"You ask a lot of questions."

"I only wanna know what's making you refuse to make eye contact with me. That's never been an issue before now."

His dark eyes flashed with panned amusement as he looked me dead in the face. "Better?"

I turned beet red at this backfire of mine, but I held the gaze. "Okay, point taken. Subject change. Why do Forks High School students hate the La Push boys?"

He kept his eyes locked on me rather than the road, only briefly flicking forward here and there. Sure, there was no one else driving this raggedy, broken up concrete road, but I still felt nervous… or was that excitement? Something stirred in my lower belly when I realized I could stare longer into his eyes without wanting to shrink into myself. "My guess is as good as yours. What do you think?"

"Jealousy" I replied without hesitance, recounting Dillon's biting words.

He made a sucking noise through his teeth and threw me another heart-palpitating smile. "Aww shucks, Nel."

_Marry me._ I almost said it. I was really close, I'm talkin' tip-of-my-tongue close… but I didn't. I don't think it woulda worked out in my favor, anyway. Instead I tried "Well, yeah, I mean… look at you."

Wrong move.

"What about me?"

Fuck.

"Ah… well."

_WHAT THE HELL DO I SAY?_

He looked at me expectantly, the smile gone but something suggestive playing in his eyes, dark and alluring and drawing me into them mercilessly. "Well…" he prodded. He didn't mean it that way, I already knew. He was pretty much using a tactic against me to get me to cut out the words from heart and hand them to him on a silver platter, knowing I'd fall for it like every other poor soul before me. Dramatic much? Ha, you try sitting in a car with a boy-borderline-man that looked like _him_. Hell, I wasn't even ashamed to admit it: I was a goner.

And just as I was about to buckle and tell him what he already knew concerning his beauty, the car made an unholy collision by the likes of which I never thought was possible. I always thought people bullshitted the whole "slow-motion" thing, but that's exactly what I was seeing before my eyes: a flash of an animal darting in front of the headlights, but it wasn't slow enough where I could see what it was. The impact made the metal crunch sickeningly; Jacob gripped the steering wheel like he could make it stop, but it did little to help. The car began spinning out of control, changing from the ear-splitting skid on the pavement to the bump and grind of the uneven packed dirt on the side of road, into the long grass. I closed my eyes when I saw the cracks on the windshield give way, the glass shattering everywhere. I raised my arms to protect my face, screaming bloody murder when the shards hit me, feeling the sharp, quick slices on my hands and torso. I could hear Jacob letting out a long string of curses, feeling his arm suddenly stretch out across my chest. The terror ended only when the left side of the car smashed into something solid.

_XXX_

A/N: Yes, I took forever. I hope my reviewers are still around to accept my apology of life getting in the way of writing. Missed you all, expect another update within the week! Pinky promise.


	8. Aftermath

Quick recap for those who've read this in the past: Penelope Gowan has moved to Forks, Washington when her recently passed uncle left a house in his will for her father. She has to adjust quickly to her families' ties with the residents of La Push, including those of her generation, the Quileute boys. She is warmly received by most, but not all. She can't help but notice the disinterest, almost dislike, of one of the boys in particular. Meanwhile, the pack picks up the scent of Newborns, posing a threat yet again right under the noses of La Push and Forks residents. What is to come?

_Chapter 7: Aftermath_

_XXX_

I knew we had hit a tree. It wasn't hard to put together at all. There was next to nothing besides uncut terrain between Forks and La Push, so it'd make sense to slam dead into a tree. Had this been Long Beach, we definitely would be flipped over onto the sidewalk in that concrete jungle, and I wouldn't be recounting this.

I may as well have kept my eyes shut. I couldn't see even after I snapped them open when everything came to a halt- dark gray smoke billowed inside the car, the space within seeming so much smaller and stifling. As shocked as my body was, that didn't mean I was stuck dumb. I needed to get the hell out, and fast. I coughed and sputtered violently, desperate to open the passenger door, but it was so badly dented in there was no way I was getting out. I suddenly felt Jacob's large hands on my ribcage, the contact from his skin unbearably hot and slick with sweat. He attempted to yank me from my seat, but I let out a very pained whoosh of air from my lungs when the seatbelt jerked into my chest, which we both forgot was still fastened. I heard a very audible crack, and before I could figure out what else broke, the seatbelt was off and he was dragging me out.

The chilled feel of the grass was a complete relief when I was thrown down on it. I breathed heavily, matching the labored pants of Jacob, who kneeled on the grass next to me. "Nel… are you… are you alright?" he said between breathes.

"I'm fine" I assured him, rolling over on my back to look up at the sky. I lifted my hands to my face to inspect if I was telling him the truth. I was: the shallow cuts on my hands and arms only served to irritate me with the stinging. My body was sore, but definitely not in pain. The only thing that was bothering me was the wetness of my shirt, causing it to stick to my skin. I looked down… and nearly screamed again. But when I opened my mouth, noise didn't escape.

My shirt was soaked in blood. And I don't mean "Hey look, there's a pretty noticeable stain there." No, I'm talking the holy-shit package of damage, bleeding as excessively as though I had been impaled, yet I still felt no immediate pain. Was that the shock?

But the shock was gone as quick as it came, and I was seeing a dimly lit tunnel. My vision grew more and more narrow, until all I could see was the blur of Jacob's russet skin. He wasn't panicking, like I would be if someone was fading on me. Instead, I heard him assuring me "Close your eyes, Penelope. It's okay, it's not yours. It's not yours."

I was out.

_XXX_

I felt my shirt being removed. That's the first thing I became aware of.

Not exactly the best thing to be coming around to, but there wasn't much I could do about it when everything was still fuzzy. I'm too busy floatin' in the fuzz.

"Wow…" I heard a voice, a slow sound unidentifiable to me because my mind still felt heavy and unfocused.

"I've seen better" another voice said. "You're only impressed because it's probably the first rack you've seen… **ever**."

"Shut up!" I heard the other growl.

"Both of you shut up and put the shirt on her" a third, odd pitch of voice interjected.

I couldn't speak. Again, everything was too heavy… my inner workings, my intake and process of things, was numbed and unreliable. My body was sore, and I was relieved I could still feel something. There was more though… there were people here, I knew it. Unless this was all some really fucked up dream to further demean my self-esteem, boobs and all.

I needed to know.

I reached out blindly, my arm feeling like dead weight but still movable, and unsure of what I was looking to touch. Then my fingertips brushed something… clothing. I didn't retract my touch for some reason, and I realized it was because I wanted some kind of comfort, some kind of acknowledgement. I felt skin… exceptionally warm skin. I laid my palm flat on the warmth, not really sure of what part of this anatomy I was touching. _Jacob?_

I felt a hand wrap around mine, bringing it slowly back down to my side. Creepy for me to have memorized it so well by this point, but I knew how Jacob's hands felt, and those were not his hands… I think.

The coppery smell of blood was assaulting me as I was further coming to, yet it had an opposing reaction, and as soon as the blurs were taking shape, I was out again.

_XXX_

Ouch.

The soreness, now doubled, was the first thing I was aware of. Second, the bright light filtering through my window and irritating my vision—

Wait.

I sat up quickly, untangling myself from my blanket to gauge where I was. And just as I thought, I was in my room. I looked to the alarm clock to my right, its' neon blue numbers reading back to me 7:24 am.

Alright. This wasn't turning into a completely bat-shit crazy and confusing ordeal... Did I just have the gnarliest, most realistic dream ever, or did everything that I _think_ happened last night, actually happen? I jumped out of bed and ran over to my long mirror, not yet hung on the wall but instead leaned against it.

… Yeesh.

My hair was frizzy and greasy, my two least favorite combinations in the world. My face was a bit discolored, but nothing too off-the-norm. I was wearing my clothes from last night, and I felt yucky. My hoodie was zipped all the way up, my jeans smeared with some grass stains and my shoes caked with dry dirt. I looked like I'd gone on a poorly-prepared hike in the wild… and_ shit_, I had school. Yesterday was my first day, I'd probably be late but there's no way I could miss today since I was in general good health, no matter if last night happened or not.

I sighed, unbuttoning my grey jeans and sliding them off my legs. As I stepped out of them, I felt a crunch under my foot. My brows knit together in wonder as I stooped down and picked up my pants. Nothing was underneath them… I then fished into first my left pocket, then my right, and pulled out a folded (now crumpled) piece of notebook paper. _The hell?_

I unfolded it, reading an awkward and smudged script in black ink. I smoothed out the paper against my wall, squinting to decipher the brief message:

"_**Nel, we have to talk. Please don't say anything to your dad about last night. I'll explain, but you gotta come over my house later."**_

-_**Jake**_

I stared at the paper, expecting it to tell me more and knowing full well that it couldn't. I then folded it back up, stuffing it back into the grey jeans.

Well… at least I'm not crazy, and it wasn't a dream. I didn't know if that was exactly a good thing, though. I was in a car accident, but came out practically unscathed… so why would Jacob want to keep it under wraps? What would it matter if my dad knew, if things were dandy with me besides the scratches? My brain was overworking, exhausting all possible reasons and explanations, then deciding it was best not to jump to conclusions and ask Jacob myself. He must have a good reason, right?

I proceeded to remove the grey zip up, and froze.

Waaaaait a minute.

There was blood. A whole damn lot of blood, my shirt was covered in it last night. I finished unzipping the hoodie, looking down and inspecting the stainless cotton shirt I was wearing… but more questions were quelling me now. First off, this wasn't my shirt. I had been wearing an oval necked blue top, and this one was a tighter white shirt, baring my lower stomach a bit. I wouldn't be caught out and about in something like this… what the hell happened to _my_ shirt, _my _blood soaked shirt? Furthermore, where had the blood been coming from?

I removed the small shirt quickly, and my jaw dropped. Had this been under other circumstances, my horrified expression woulda have made me laugh. But there was nothing funny about this.

Upon my body was not an open wound. In fact, no part of my body had seen a bit of bloodshed besides the nicks on my arms. But on my ribcage, located almost perfectly parallel to each other, were two large bruises. Ugly purple, pissed-off looking bruises. Nevermind that I swear I could see the clear outline of a few fingers on the left side. The blood on my shirt…

"_It's not yours."_

His voice rang clear as a bell, and yesterday night suddenly seemed a whole lot more real than I wanted it to be.

It was _Jacob's_ blood. I had been covered in Jacob's blood. And he had taken my shirt to hide that it had ever happened.

_XXX_

"You look spooked, lady."

Those were the first words to leave Jian-Li's mouth when she came over and sat to eat lunch with me at our established spot. "Kidding me? Never felt better, heh…" if I wasn't convincing to myself, I definitely wasn't convincing her. I was good at hiding everything under the surface of my skin, but today… today was just too freaky, even for me. I was fortunate to have ducked under my dad's radar when I showered quickly and went downstairs to be taken to school. He railed me for sleeping in and being late yet again, but he hurried us all out the door and asked nothing about last night.

Which was still a mystery to me, by the way.

I don't know how I got home. I didn't remember a goddamn thing except a blur here and there. A voice. Warmth. I mean yeah, I pieced most of the accident together, but afterwards… it was almost like it had been cut from my memory. Like there was a gap in between the accident and now, linked together, but not a clear picture. On top of that, I know I had to have been home before dad, or else he woulda brought the verbal thunder down on me. He didn't meaning he honestly didn't know anything. I was sound asleep when he got home.

The classes today seemed to fly by, due to my lack of attention to anything but my own messed up thoughts. I got a chew out from my first period teacher, and I talked to Morgan here and there during Science. Those were the only interactions I made today besides Li.

"Speak," Li prodded, breaking my reverie by taking a loud bite of her green apple, "'Cause I'll keep bugging to know what's up if you don't wipe that weird look off your face."

I turned to her, not having touched my food and thinking of some reasoning to give her. I didn't want to lie, not because I couldn't lie, but because I had to tell _someone_, and Ruth wasn't here. No one was here for me, except Li. She's all I got right now.

"I was in a car accident last night."

She frowned, perplexed by my rushed words. She put the apple back down, setting her tray to the side and folding her arms across her chest. "I thought car accidents were serious? Like blood and guts and all that good stuff. You sure look like you're still in one piece to me… unless you're exaggerating a fender bender?"

Ha, she didn't know the half of it.

I opened my mouth, then closed it again, not sure where to begin.

"Go on…" she pressed.

"It wasn't… a fender bender, that's for sure."

I told her everything. I didn't mean to tell her _everything_, but it came flooding out of my mouth and I couldn't stop it. I really didn't bar anything from her: I told her about leaving the party to waking up with Jacob's note in my pocket, and everything I remembered in between. I didn't have to ask for her discretion- I somehow knew Li wouldn't tell anyone. She just seemed like that kind of person.

After I was done, I waited a good 2 minutes for her response. She just looked at the checkered pattern of the hallway floor, then looked back to me. "And you're not hurt? Just those scratches and bruises? You swear nothing's broken?" I nodded. She sighed, and asked the question I was least expecting "Where does Jacob live?"

"La Push, but I don't know the exact address. I guess he figured my dad would know since his dad is close with mine."

Li seemed to turn something over in her mind briefly before deciding on it as final. "Okay. I'm going to take you to his house after school."

My eyes widened. "What?"

"Just ask your dad for his address, and I'll take you there. I'm dead serious, Nel. You needa to know what the criminy is going on, as soon as possible- and now, so do I." I didn't know what to say, I just stared dumbly back at her. "What?" she raised a brow, "I got a car, it's no problem. I've been meaning to explore the local areas, anyway. And if these dudes are as hot as you say they are, then I **have** to go see for myself if your taste is as good as mine. C'mon."

I couldn't find a good reason to get out of this. It was a free ride I wouldn't have to explain to my dad along the way, and it was with Li… she was moral support in case things weren't as peachy-keen as I woke up to this morning.

She smiled when I quietly agreed.

_XXX_

A/N: I appreciate the ton of people who favorited this story and mahself, but it's the reviews that REALLY keep me pressed onwards, guys. I appreciate any fan, but leaving words and food for thought would be awesome. Thanks for the love, all! I'll update again soon.


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